Again on life..

Life is playing tricks on me.. sometimes it feels like time had stood still, sometimes it leaves me behind, empty handed.. eating dust, but the one thing I hate most, is when it moves ever so slowly as you eagerly wait what's next for you..

I've been waiting.. and waiting.. sometimes patiently, most of the time not quite .. for something I can't quite describe but I know it'll make my life complete.. You know what I mean? And so, its true that life is a journey and as you pass by each junction, you pick up pieces that hopefully fits in this jigsaw puzzle we call life.

Wishing that the piece I picked up today will guide me through.

i-am-somebody-so-hear-me-roar-L

Hey, look.. it's me

Tonight, I smiled, laughed and cried. And in truth, it felt wonderful .. for that 150 minutes or so, my old self resurfaced. That person who had no care in the world.. enjoying herself, alone in her little apartment.

As I tucked the DVD back to its sleeve, I realized how much my life has changed. But I breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that little part of me is still within and could somehow show herself as she listens to her little precious peacefully dreaming the night away through the baby monitor.

It's true that life can never be perfect, but at least, there are perfect moments. Let's not ever forget that.

-constantly-reminding-self-L

What goes on in this head of mine..

While people are humming and singing to themselves the latest hits like; Hips Don't Lie .. I have permanently in my head a humdinger from one the shows on Playhouse Disney channel.

My name is Shanna.. It rhymes with banana..
And this my friend, is Shaaannnnaaaa's Shoo--ooow!


Although, I'd have the lyrics changed to entertain little Ni-Mu, and it goes something like this

My name is Naiara.. It rhymes with tiara..
And this my friend, is Iaraaaaaa's Shoo--ooow!

And now, I'm obsessed in finding things that rhymes with people's names.

Sad, I know.. but Subby Hubby and I had lots of fun thinking up of things that'll rhyme with his name, sadly we could only come up with "Loofah". Poor guy.. well, at least that's much better than what rhymes with yours truly.. "Cheese"..

-yummy-cheesy-L

What marriage?

I'm not a cynical person, but I have to say, everytime I hear someone say, "Well.. I/She/He married you, didn't I/She/He ??"; I get a little pang of fury. So, just because at one point of time, one decides to take the plunge with another, we're meant to feel relieved and having a sense of euphoria?

Key word: "at one point of time"

Yes, we should feel like we're on cloud nine when we know that this is the ONE, the ONE to have and to hold, through bad and good times, till death do us part. But it's definitely NOT just about that instant .. It's about being in a team, unfailingly with each second that goes by. Marriage is not a trophy that you can lift up and say, "We did it!" , in fact, it should just be, "Been there, done that.. Now for OUR next move..." From here on, is where the real award kicks in.

Everytime you do something that makes the other happy, you deserve a medal and for each sincere sacrifice you'll go further ahead in the pursuit of happiness. For each time one holds back from hurting the other, then both can claim themselves as a clear winner; you for putting another before yourself and her for having someone who truly cares for her heart. This, ladies and gentlemen; as you can see has NOTHING to do with, "I married you, didn't I?"

Today, Homer and I celebrate our 4th Wedding Anniversary. I often (okay.. more than often) ask him why he loves me (notice it's "love" and NOT "married") and he'll always have some wacky answer, like, "reason no#3652 : because you say, I'm on camp Anniston!" (And I said this with conviction and much fervor!).

Here's to many more wacky reasons ...

-reason#1-L

All in a day's work

I believe I wrote in one of my posts that ironing helps me to calm down, provided that the mood kicks in. So just now, I decided to iron Homer's shirts to calm my nerves while watching Japan vs. Croatia match. Surprised? like I said.. I don't hate football.. in fact during my uni days, I actually followed the EPL religously. I mean, you gotta admit.. a woman can always have some fun watching 22 fit and athletic men running around in shorts, right?? If men can objectify women, so can we.

Homer would've been proud of how worked up I got with the game.. to the point of cursing in Japanese. Righto, back to calming my nerves. I was ironing one of Homer's work uniform that he had to wear in a recent conference and at the back of the shirt it said, "Reduce Uncertainty To Maximize Recovery". Huh? Was my first reaction.

Then it dawned upon me, let's for one minute take it out of the context of his work. This can be applied in our everyday situation. Think about it. When we have everything out in the open, as in laid out so that all is transparent - then you have nothing to fear and in fact, nothing to lose and everything to gain. In other words, if one is open and truthful; you project to other people your principles and in turn, you will get the most of what you want from people around you.

Applied on football, it will be something like, get as many goals so the team is certain to maximise their chance of winning.

Applied on everyday life, getting people to see the real you so that they in turn will be true to you.

Well, it kinda made sense when I was ironing.. more psycho babble next time I iron... don't hold your breath though..

-iron-lady-L

All I can say is..

Dolce .. Dolce .. Dolce!

Who is the hunky player on the furthest right in the bottom picture? Homer a.k.a my world cup trivia guy is away on an all boys diving trip.. Can anyone help me with this.. And now to check when's their next match. Finally my reason to watch the cup of life .. Subby Hubby, drooling time.. how abourrit??

-mama-mia!-L

Situation vacant

I believe I'm doing all my girlfriends out there a favour by putting this one out.

Urgent
Situation Vacant: Attentive partner

Job description: Maintaining healthy emotional connection between partners, creating loving and caring environment within the alliance.

Must be mature, intelligent, caring and dependable. Work available on contract basis, ending 9th July. Extension of contract can be negotiated. Football junkie need not apply, interested individuals may submit their resume via email.

***

I don't hate football, it's just that sometimes it makes me feel a little less important.. ya know what I mean?

-dispossessed-L

The Devil Herself...

The little girl ran into her mother's room, crying... " Mummy, am I a demon???". Puzzled, the mother came to her little girl and asked why she said that. "There's this boy, who shares my birthday and he's eevilll.. and he has the mark 666 on his head", the girl sobbed. She smiled and said, "..no, rizu-chan.. you're my little angel..". As the sobs dies down, the girl asks her mother if she could just confirm that she's really not the demon by checking that she has no such mark on her head. No such symbols seems apparent, confirms the mother. The little girl walks away, relieved, but ...

She just can't help but wonder if..

Today, eerily.. she wore all black .. frilly skirt and v-neck top combination.. walking knowingly how good her bum looks as the frills sashays itself.. The devil herself is out celebrating.. but nothing over the top.. As she might just blow her cover. After all today is special.. O Six O Six O Six .. She's turning 32, not too young, not too old but most importantly.. not too shabby.

Will the mark presents itself?
Will the demon surface?

We'll just have to wait and see..

Now, where can she find an all red leather pants and bustier with matching red whip...

Happy Birthday you devil.. you..

And by 'you' .. I mean 'me'...

OMENista-L

Have you ever felt really alone?

Last night, it struck me. I felt that I was all alone in this big bad world. I'ts like I swallowed an astronomical self pity pill or something like that. Everything is just not right, the bolognaise sauce I made was too salty, the baby gagged on my boobs, and Homer just couldn't keep awake.

Cue that pathetic Backstreet Boys' song, Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely...

Last night .. I was the epitome of Loneliness. Lonely L..

The thing is, if everything(one) else is zippidy-doo-dah-top-of-the-world shape, then what the f*#k is wrong with me. Can't be the baby blues.. , PMS .. nope ..

Just one of them days I suppose..

-trying-to-snap-out-of-it-L

Let's all sing..

Happy Birthday to youuuu
Happy Birthday to youuuuuuu
Happy Birthday dear Homerrrrrr
Happy Birthday to youuuuuuuuuuuuu

A year older and hopefully wiser,eh?

-wise-enough-L

How's life?

If life is a drama, and the life we're talking about is mine, then what does it make me?

A Drama Queen.

Things have been ... how shall I put it.. surreal.

Ready for the story?

Last 2 weeks, I blacked out .. in the bathroom, while preparing for my precious Ni-Mu's bath. I can't say how thankful I am that I wasn't bathing her at the time and that Homer is already home from work. It was an exceptionally rough day, to say the least. I don't even remember the drive home nor filling the small tub with water. The next thing I know, my mom was next to me, asking me to wipe my face.

So alarmed was Homer that he actualy called 999 for an ambulance, which incidently came later than my mom who actually had to hail a cab to get to my place. I'd hate to think what would have become of me if it was something really serious. Once I'm in the emergency room, they strapped all kind of nonsense and poked me here and there to figure out what was wrong.

I've been having the flu, haven't been really eating and under stress so I suppose it was a sign from my tired little(?) body telling me to slow down. But you kow how it is, when everything happens at once, you just get sucked into the vortex and the next thing you know someone tells you to wipe your face.

The doctor said that there was something wrong with my ECG reading and told me that I have to stay the night so I can be monitored. All I can say is, that night, I wished for it not to be true, that I was just having a nightmare, but sadly I'm yanked back to reality. I blacked out .. for a good 20 minutes.

And so I was put through various tests the next morning, they even made me run on a treadmill at 30 degrees angle! Are they nuts?? I haven't been on a treadmill for a good year!

In any case, I'm glad to say that all tests came back okay, but I still haven't gone through my holter (some machine that records your heart rhythm for 24 hours) report with the doc. That'll be tomorrow at 11. It's been a long wait.

So many things up in the air, I'm feeling a little bit hard to breathe.

-waiting-to-exhale-L

Splishin' and a splashin'

I had to go to Penang over the weekend and we decided to make a holiday out of it. Little Ni-Mu travels great in the car, except for the occasional tantrum wanting to get out of her car seat and being a little bit "jakun" when breastfed at the back seat. I swear, the guy parked next to us at the rest stop probably think I was flashing him ... I'm sure I made his day... they ARE nice-ish.

Believe it or not we didn't get to really spend that much time together, I ended up having to do more work than expected, but we managed to eat that excellent goreng pisang from Tanjung Bungah.. crispy outside and soft inside plus, we got ourselves to Waterworld and had my siput judi (or was it judy? .. it's one of those really spiky siput).

But the best thing was we got upgraded, thanks to Homer's crankiness and non-stop calls to the hotel's front desk, and got ourselves a nice big jacuzzi tub in our bathroom!

There we all were.. The "Michelin" family.. It was hillarious, Homer kept telling Ni-Mu not to look directly at you-know-what, while she looks on at the two of us like we've gone mad or something. And so after Homer got over the trauma being nude with his little girl, we all sat ( and perhaps frolicked around ) in the tub with Ni-Mu happily splashing away between the two of us. Bliss...

A family that bathes together stays together, right??


-missing-the-big-tub-L

That damn ad!

I have a confession. My hair is falling out.. yessirreeee.. I no longer want to wash my own hair cos everytime I do, I fear that our shower drain may clog up and bath water would flood the whole apartment. It IS that bad. And so, I've resorted to going to hair salons and clog up their drain.

It doesn't help that I keep seeing this ad on how to know whether your hair is damaged or dry. The thing that bothers me about the ad is this - the dang experiment says that if you cut your hair and drop it in a glass of water and oil, you'll find out the condition of the hair. If it stays in the oil layer, then your hair is dry and if your hair drops down to the water bit then your hair is damaged.

The thing is, there's just 2 outcome isn't it? Either the hair will stay in the oil bit or the water part.. so either way your hair is screwed. What the f*#k??

O' thy beautiful locks with blonde streaks .. keep up your strength, this too shall pass....

-baldy-L

Is it really today?

All around me, people are embarking on a new journey; Mama and Papa Mido is preparing the arrival of Baby Chin, Super Lawyer Gal is moving on up, Subby Hubby finally gets a job which is in line of his study, K-devi has gone on a self discovery trip, Sing Sing Gal struggles with her own personal conflicts, Homer discovers the joys of being his real self in his home coutry, even little NiMu has learned a few tricks showing her nature as each day goes by.

Me?.. yes, moi ..

I feel different today, I just realized that in the past months I have changed. Perhaps its the sudden workload, perhaps its the emotional turmoil within me and from all the people around me, losing myself and re-discovering it all again with my little NiMu. As I write this, I wonder if I'm making any sense, I wish to find my pillar of strength but I don't know how to. And so, I look at the people around me ..

Well, sign me up on a trip .. I want to journey on..

On! On!

To Mama an Papa Mido, the baby will rock the boat, but you guys will do great! We'll be seeing you sailing through.. Can't wait, NiMu will have someone to bully ;)

-good-luck-me!-L

o' la la

It's funny how eventhough I've never met any of the wonderful people reading the blog, I kind of feel close to them. Yes, I'm talking about you.. You all know the highlights (even lowlights.. ) of my life and all the needlessly complicated things I go through.

Well, that's what life is all about ain't it? Being around family, friends, blog-friends, yadda-yadda. Sometimes I wonder what else is out there, and then I'm reminded that life is a series of challenge.

And what's the challenge for today?

1. Fitting into my old pants.
2. Resisting buying clothes from British India.
3. Getting my client to confirm a huge order.
4. Be a good girl. (Cos have been feeling naughty all week)

-amazing-race-wannabe-L

An open letter part 2

For those who has expressed concern over my open letter,

It's true, I can no longer trust as easily as I could before. I thank you for the kind words, and I am happy to be surrounded by people who cares so much for me. But it's not what people think it is, the letter masks a series of events around my life and those only those in the know, truly comprehend the situation.

I'm just happy that you all cared.

-thankful-L

An open letter

To whom it may concern;

Trust is a fragile entity. Remember the story of "the boy who cried wolf?". The trust has been broken and no one believed him when the wolf really did appear - he lost his sheeps, and it wasn't funny at all.

If people trusted you with their life, it's truly an honor; only a privileged few gets this type of validation. "I trust you" can sometimes be stronger than "I love you" And in that few seconds of judgement lapse, it is gone, broken, leaving the other person at loss for words.

I trusted you. Past tense.

-broken-L

Gimme a break..

It's been 3 months and a bit since I joined the exclusive club of mama-hood, where the joining fees can be on the high side. I'm talking about ..

Weight gain..

yeah..yeah there are some of you who could just lose it all, like 2 hours after the delivery, but in general, it'll be months.. even years to get back into your pre-pregnancy clothes. (Let's not even talk about pre-wedding clothes, just pack them up and send them out to those who really needs it).

And whether you're sweating it out or wrapping yourself up in one of those fancy schmancy slimming centres, let's face it, you need to feel good about yourself and so you end up buying all new clothes. when you find one that could fit (a.k.a somehing that makes you feel/look slimmer), you get them in all colors.

That extra curve..

Okay, the obvious one would be the source of your baby's staple diet. Your boobs now have changed not only in terms of size, but also shape. And bras doesn't come cheap.

The other curve, is the not so obvious one but once you've taken your layers of clothings out, you'll see it. That pesky curve (a.k.a the bulge) on the belly area. Those tight-fitting shirts that you have.. just put them away.

To tell you the truth, I feel that I'm doing pretty good. I have lost all my pregnancy weight and my friends have all commented positively on how I look now (thanks to an all-new wardrobe!). But when your mother is slim-queen-sub-40kg-tiny-kurus-kedengking-speaks-her-mind-little-old-lady... *sigh*

Everyday I hear, "gemuknyaaaaaaaa... tengok itu perut.. boing.boing.. jery mitaii*.."

ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-too-tired-to-do-gazillion-sit-ups-L

*like jelly..

Love hurts....

Someone very close to me has been hurt.. deeply by the one she loved. I am stumped. How could he do this to her? Yesterday I held her close, crying silently.. there's not much i could do to erase her pain except maybe to share it with her.

Everytime she sees Naiara, her silent tears turns into sobs. She has a baby on her own too, you see..

"And baby makes three.." Isn't that how the saying goes?
She asks me, then why do I feel so alone?
You have me, I said.
It's not the same..

I have no answers.. but I can share her tears.

Wonder Woman

This was me just hours before little Ni-Mu came into the world. If you thought, "wowser.. that's huge!!" You should've seen my side profile..Yes.. I was that big!! .. and yep, this t-shirt is now stretched beyond recognition.

I was cleaning up my picture folders and found this shot.. and it reminded me how ambitious I was back then (only 3 months ago..) on being the wonder woman extraordinaire ..
supermom, super efficient consultant by day and by night, fabulous chef and sex goddess ..

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

What was I thinking??

I'm just happy I haven't ended up like Mr. Shellman's projection of my future, "bedak sejuk on my face with a little baby precariously on my left hip in a chaotic house of shambles."

For now I'm happy with me being "Wondering Woman" .. as in "I wonder where the time went?" and "I wonder if people would notice the spit stain that Ni-Mu just did on my top"

-wondering-still-L