A Grim Reminder

BLG sent this link to me..

http://nurinjazlin.blogspot.com/

It pains my whole being.
I'm not sure whether my lungs are expanding or crushing, so hard to breathe.
And everything turns a little bleary.
Every single time I read or hear about this little girl.

I cannot begin to imagine what the family is going through.

"This too shall pass" has no meaning in this context.

The monster is still at large. I wish for it to be caught, and then die a thousand deaths. Burn in hell for eternity.

-enraged-L

The Marrying kind.

So I came across this in my email, and not wanting to sound too much like Oprah (but already beginning to..) decided to put it up here.. have a read and let's analyze together.. ala Dr. Phil.. shall we?

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question.

She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said,

"It depends. Is that your husband?"

In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.

You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...

Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that _expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the _expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.

The rules applies, no doubt, and for those who's been married and have at least celebrated their first anniversary , knows that it's HARD work. The thing is, we being women have this weakness of (over) analyzing things... So we need affirmation, like the article above, we already know this, but having it written out and spread out in mass email is important to women all over the world.

But the excerpt above will have different effect depending on who reads it, whether they're in a relatively good mood (or not), crazy in love (or not) , etc..

I'll bet my bottom dollar, that when a woman reads this, they'll share it (guilty!), but men... ahhh Men.. they'll delete it the minute they read "Did I Marry The Right Person?" on the title of the mail. Why? Because, they don't want to get into the nitty gritty of relationship analysis. If it happens, great, if it falls apart, too bad.. time to move on, people heal and happiness is around the corner.

For us delicate kind.. If it happens.. oohhh, how deliciously wonderful! The world suddenly becomes a better place, and if it falls apart, ooo what went wrong? why? is it really time to move on? healing is such long and painful process. Drama. Easier said than done of course.. I can write about how everything will be okay.. as long as you stay strong.. bla..bla.. but I'm not gonna be a drama mama today.

I'm not saying that the snippet above is total crap because it IS true, but for once, I just wish that instead of us just worrying about how hard we've worked on the relationship .. take some time out for YOU... yes, I'm talking about ourselves.. remember who you were .. and who you've become now. And for once, I wish the guys know that EVERYONE can fall in love, yes, including your partner.. You fell for her, right?

People IN love and people OUT of love share one thing in common.. They're irrational. Remember that. Love is a funny thing, marriage is not even a thing... it's everything rolled into one.. like a rainbow roll and sometimes dipping it with a little soya and wasabi mix makes it more interesting.

In the end, it's as simple as this.. Are you happy? Is this what you want? Cos, if you're not happy, you'll find ways to be happy.. it's just HOW you are going to make yourself feel better... Staying true to yourself can be hard.. but look where it has gotten you, right?

Take care of yourself, and then take care of each other. NEVER take each other for granted. Not even for a little while....

I sound more like Oprah on Vicodine.

-Merry-L

The tale of Fiji and Kiki

So, when we were in HK, G-Man wanted to take us out for dinner. First of all, it was so weird because he insisted I bring my kid along... and on top of that he went out of his way (well... he didn't do all the work..) to find a "child-friendly" restaurant to go to.. Obviously being (erm..perhaps.. thinking that..) single and HOT, the only place he goes to are in Lan Kwai Foong.

In the end I just told him that we can just go anywhere as long as it's not the pub/club scene, as I doubt that they'll have high chairs (the ones at the bar doesn't count). We decided on Ruth Christie's steak joint.

Food was great, company was even better and when it comes to getting the bill, G-Man paused... I've known this guy for 6 years now, and I've never seen him flinch when it comes to picking up the tab.

Eating out in HK is expensive.. but you'll never guess how much our precious mineral water cost us.. well him.

US$15

For less than a litre.

And we went through 5 bottles.

The water was more expensive than my meal!

The water was about 260 ringgit.

More than his wine.

... And yes, he made us finish the water we had in our glasses..

Does water from Fiji taste better than water collected at some water source in Taiping? I don't know, as far as I'm aware, I've never heard of any water tasting session...

At least it was perfectly chilled...


And for those who were curious.. When Ni-Mu caught sight of Mickey Mouse.. she hopped and clapped all the way to the town square screaming "KIKI!KIKI!"... I see a groupie unfolding right before me....

-drink-a-lot-L

I wasn't dreaming..

Was it me.. or did I just felt the room move. I swear the wardrobe sliding door shook for a little while.

No, I'm not on drugs.
No, I'm not under any medication that can cause hallucination.

Checked out latest news - Nothing.

Tomorrow is Ramadhan Kareem, as my Egyptian friends puts it.

Oh God.. Homer just confirmed that CNN has just reported of an earthquake in Indonesia.

My prayers goes to them.......

-L

M-I-C... see you real soon!

How come when I go away on business trips, I always manage to make a family trip out of it. I guess so far I go to "not boring" places as Homer puts it... (ye ke?)

And I guess I'm lucky to work with a bunch of people (yes, one of them is my boss) who insist I bring the babies (big and small) for a site visit in Macau, when they found out I brought them with me to Hong Kong.

We didn't win anything.. since we never went to the casino.. but I have to say, Macau's Venetian is HUGE.. bigger than its' original in Vegas. Crazy, right.. they're planning to replicate Vegas' strip in Macau.. I wonder if the clubs will be as "hot" as the ones in Vegas. And speaking of Vegas, G-boss have ruled out any possibility of me going for our annual meeting/training there.. Dang! I've missed out on that trip for 3 straight years.

Got tomorrow off and we're going to see Mickey Mouse speaking Cantonese. Imagine that. Can't wait to see Ni-Mu's reaction when she sees her "kiki-mouse".....

-kiki-mouse-L