You jump, I jump, right?

A couple of nights ago, I saw Titanic, yes, the movie.. with that haunting song that goes on and on.

That was my second time watching it. And I remembered exactly who I watched it with the first time around, and more importantly who I was as I sat there telling myself that I too will find somebody who will jump, if I jump.

Bollocks.. I know.. but I was a wide eyed girl who's heart just got broken to pieces then. I desperately wanted to believe that Titanic love IS out there, and that my Leonardo WILL find me as I look out to the world looking lost and forlorn.

Now, 11 years later, I'm a different person, but as I watched the old lady telling her tale all over again, I'm reminded of something I've forgotten for a very long time. And I must never forget it again.


-on-the-trampoline-of-life-L

What I want for Christmas..

Dear Santa,

I've been a good girl this year. Very good indeed.

Earlier, via my usual good thoughts chanelling session, I've sent you a list of what I really.. really want for Christmas. If those are too much to ask, I will be happy with just request #3.

Thanking you in advance,
Good-L, not to be confused with goodie-goodie-L

Book number #2

I am in the middle of reading another book. Yes. Slowly but surely, I'm reading the books that was bought perhaps years ago.

As I mentioned in a previous entry, The Kite Runner was fabulous.. (and so was the movie).. cried loads, of course.

And now I am reading Eat. Pray. Love (again, finally!!!) . I'm only half way through but I can't help but wonder if all Liz's in the world have conversations with themselves in their head.. because I certainly do..

CBF (that's Chief Baker Fairy) asked me a couple of days ago if I had read it, and I said no.. but I have it.. and so here I am reading it.. It's like reading a a transcript of what goes on in this streaked head of mine. I am still on the first part of the book, Italy.. and she's making me hungry for pizza..and take up Italian language so I can do tandem conversation exchange with Italian men...

But most importantly, it reminded me of the great times I had while I was there, years ago.. walking hand in hand, talking, watching the countless fontanas, taking beautiful pictures and eating all those wonderful gelatos.

-bookie-L

Yooo Hoooo... Where are you?

I'm losing my mind..

Where's that thing that makes my cheek glow? My lips moist and plump..? My eyes sparkle..?

It's all gone missing..

Where are you my dear?

Where's my freaking make up pouch???????!!!!!

-plain-L

Happy Birthday Sayang

Little Ni-Mu is 3!!! Threeeeeeee!! Wheeeee!!!


Jumping up and down the trampoline.

Running around the obstacle course game.

Blowing her candles.

Eating the icing off the Princess cake.

Jumping up and down the trampoline.

Showing off her sticker tattoos.


I am so proud of her, I can burst! And I love her so much.
And you know what else 23rd November marks?
My 3rd year of motherhood. I wouldn't trade it for anything else..

-Mummy-Mama-L

Life's a bitch

AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaarrrRRRRRRRRrgggggggggggGGGGGggggHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..

There are times when you just want to scream but can't.. Throw things, but you stop yourself, because you know you're the one who has to clean it up, so you stop yourself. And you ask yourself over and over again why you feel the way you do? Feeling like your chest is going to explode because you just don't know what to do... Above all, you feel invisible.. that even if you scream from the top of your lungs, no one can hear you.. or worse, no one wants to hear you..

Of course, the kitchen is in a mess, the laundry bag is full, there's still water leaking in the guest toilet .. and there's no room for you on the sofa.

I. Am. You.

My Merry Life

My Ni-Mu, who's going to be three in a couple of weeks makes a lot of logic with her toddler talk, than most adults. It's no wonder she's now my confidante.

Yesterday, when I introduced her to a dear friend who's leaving her past behind to start a fresh new life continents away, I said, "This is aunty Yants, she's getting married .. Do you know what getting married is?"

Yes...

It's like a Merry Go Round..

Brilliant logic. My Child is a genius. It's very much like a Merry Go Round, no? You go round and round in a circle with plenty of ups and downs thrown in for good measure.

-round-and-round-L

In the still of the night..

Hang on, help is on the way, stay strong
Hold your own, know your name and go your own way
And everything will be fine..

Croons Jason Mraz, as I stare into the darkness of the room.

So I channelled him, and in my mind we were sitting across each other, the room flickered with that lavender scented candle.

Why do we keep on paving over paradise? Because we’re only human, he said
Why do I have to go to the toilet so often? You have weak bladder, hon...
Can I have a hug? You don’t have to ask, hon..
I'm so tired.. Come rest with me, hon..

That wasn't so hard.. I should do this more often..

I think I'm in love with my iLuv, help!

-L

Worthy of a note..

Please take note of the following -

1. If you’re the type that cries at weddings, or sensitive (tak tentu pasal) do NOT watch p.s I Love You, alone.

2. If you have lost faith in Tom Cruise, do watch Tropic Thunder. Tom, I never knew you had it in ya!

3. If you bump into someone who makes your skin crawl.. who then asks for your number, look them straight in their eyes and say, “No, I don’t want to give my number to you..” . It is surprisingly liberating! *Hurrah for me… I actually did this last week!*

4. Do sing and dance to Mamma Mia the movie. I am willing to go with anybody out there who has an extra ticket to the show. Will pay for it. For guys – I am delicious and will not disappoint as a date, no strings attached (Bonus!). For girls – I am delicious and am a hoot.. (not to be confused with hooters..)

-delicious-hoot-mama-L

You know your trip will be great when..

.. You have a great lunch, get on the ERL train on time and no lines as you check in for your flight.

Flight was on time, and you have the whole row to yourself. Walk straight out of the customs into a white Mercedes Benz taxi and no traffic going to the hotel.

Looking fabulous in your heels (even after being in them since lunch) and sat on the front row of the fall/winter jewelry fashion show.

Positive feedbacks from your client even when everyone else is talking doom and gloom, healthy snacks with new found friends as you wait for your old dear friend to come over.

And he picks you up in his swanky Porsche, takes you to a nice collonial bungalow restaurant cum bar, talking and laughing as we catch up with each others lives.

Thank you for a wonderful yesterday, still riding high today, and looking forward to a better tomorrow!

-and-now-hunting-for-that-elusive-black-pumps-L

I'm a machine.. A *bleeping* machine..

I've been doing a lot of girlie things with the little princess.. And I have to say when it comes to going out shopping, Ni-Mu is a pro, as expected. She IS my little girl.

So on Thursday night, I realized that we were running low on milk so of course, I've decided to make a girlie night out. A little window shopping, a nice dinner and of course, a trip to the supermarket. Somewhere between the meat deli and the Japanese food section, Ni-Mu came up to me

Mama..I farted... *giggles*.

Baby, you don't have to announce it to everyone.. okay..

Uncle Zaki says I'm a fart-machine .. *still giggling*

Okay..*rolling eyes*.. great, I thought.. the one thing he says that actually sticks on her mind is that..
No, baby.. please don't say that.. you are NOT a fart-machine *hushed voice*

Yeah.. I'm not a fart-machine.. You're the fart-machine, mama..yoU'RE THE FART-MACHINE.. YOU'RE THE FART-MACHINE..HAHAHA.. MAMA.. YOU'RE THE FART MACHINE.. MAMA'S THE FART-MACHINE!

*horror! horror* while trying to shush her down.

The thing is, she's not even 3 yet, so you can imagine her enunciation of fart, sounds more like the dreaded 4 letter word.. YES, that f*#king 4 letter word.

And in as much as I received appreciative glances from the deli guy and some guy who was reaching out for chilli flakes.. I totally wanted to dive into freezer. Of course, that was not possible, so I just grabbed Ni-Mu, plonked her on the cart, and went straight to the cashier.

Yes, I was mortified. No, I didn't get any number. Am I a *bleep* machine? Ahhahahaaa.. what do you think?

-t-not-k-L

Are you alive Romance?

So, what do you do when you have a gazillionaire boyfriend, who stocks up a walk in closet (which used to be his library) with Jimmy Choos and rows and rows of haute couture? You count your blessing. Of course, this was a scene from Lipstick Jungle.. but for a moment I imagined what it would be like to be that girl. Argh! And now, he's schmoozing and dancing with her while a guy plays the piano and a wonderfully voiced lady sings.

We mere mortals may not have that kind of romance, but I see them around me. The Geek and Chief Baker Fairy walks hand in hand after supper; my mum and dad tasting food and telling each other what each other should eat and which ones to avoid; a friend getting excited on fb about his date with his wife...

Romance is not dead.

As long as people know that some things are important enough not to let go, romance will stay alive. And I shall leave it at that.

-L

The B's are now 3..

In the Land Beneath the Wind, a baby is born, and she will bring so much joy to one of my favorite couple..



I remember when Ni-Mu came into our life. She was perfect. My pride and joy, our Ice Age baby.



It's coming close to three years now. So many milestones ..



The heaven has opened up, and I can feel myself getting drenched. I better take the laundry in.



There'll be plenty of laundry to be done for Mr. and Mrs. B from now on. Of little sleepsuits and whatnots.. Congratulations my dears.. Can't wait to see the little one.



-aunty-L

Chiffon and Wax CAN make a girl happy..

Never underestimate the power of Hari Raya last minute prep.

The raya songs.. the right mood... the stars all lined up perfect. And in between I had a man working on toes... Aya - Caramba!

The damage? 650 ringgit! Thanks to Chief Baker Fairy..... 45 ringgit pedi, my *ss... Fairies are such unpredictable creatures!

What I got - Chiffon baju kurung with green and yellow batik motive, a "very me" short dress (typical me.. got distracted and succumbed to the fashionista side of moi), a charming necklace and happy shiny feet (previously wrapped in a layer of warm wax... mmmmmm... delicious).

And even managed to close my $150K deal over the phone. Dayymmnnn, I'm super efficient today. Totally lived up to my CFF persona.

And to think, there's still one more day till Raya...

Selamat Hari Raya all and Maaf Zahir Batin. And to all my friends, you are all I could wish for and more. Thank you and let's stuff ourselves silly with coffee kisses first raya night at my place... BYO coffee kisses.. I may not be inclined to share mine....

-raya-ya-ya-ya!-L

What happens in Vegas..

Doesn't necessarily stay in Vegas..

The Sin City has been good to me. I came back with a realization that I am who I am, and more importantly, what I want in life.

To many, I have it all. I don't, far from it..

I am smart, intelligent, beautiful (on the inside, at least), carry myself well, a cosy home, supportive family and a whole bunch of wonderful friends. The thing is, when we DO have it all, then theoretically we are done in our journey of life. And once we're done, then we stop growing.. and you guys know what it means when we stop growing? We begin to die. I don't want to die, metaphorically speaking, of course.

Didn't mean to sound like an unqualified life guru, but seeing Anthony Robbins on that fateful Tuesday morning was something else. Although my experience was nothing like that movie where Jeff Black saw the beauty within Gwyneth Paltrow (who had to wear a fat suit..). That morning, he spoke for close to three hours, and I listened.. really listened. All I know is that I want to keep on growing. Even when it feels like death, I never want to let my being die. I won't. I can't.

I also learned another thing, in a world where everyone strives to be a CEO, or a COO or a CFO. I now know that I want to be a CFF. I want to be a CFF! That's Chief Fun Fairy. That's right .. I want to be Chief Fun Fairy of my own life, folks. Thanks to a hyper fun cheerful Aussie named Amanda Gore.

I'll leave all the smart quotes to the CEO, which may go something like the following,

"To me, success is built on honesty, integrity and a person's own initiative to succeed. Personally, having the right attitude is always important in the pursuit of happiness and excellence. My current aim in life is to work hard and play hard. I intend to not leave any stone un-turned to progress in my career. I also believe, while enjoying a successful career, I'd like to ensure that I am able to enjoy my life and my family..."

I'll be the one waving my imaginary magic wand *bbrrriing* -ing all the bad thoughts away and putting back sparkles in the people in my life, and most importantly, myself. I'll make my wishes and dreams come true. And if someone out there keeps on *pffooff* -ing on me.. they'll just have to stay out of my life. No one's *pfoof*ing on my life.. Not on my watch.

Walk the walk, baby.

Out with the bad and ugly, and in with the nice and beautiful.

And if I slip, I'll get right back on the saddle. I promise.

-scared-shitless-but-determined-L

That grey striped cat.

The sky is clear tonight. I can see the whole KL skyline from where I am, minus the twin towers, which is blocked by the hills where a whole bunch of army families calls home.

And I am staring at the cat. Ni-Mu's motorised toy cat. It walks and meows, but alas, now no more.

It's silent, but it didn't pass on, after all, it is a toy.

Tried changing batteries, but still, nothing.

I wish it could talk and tell me whether it misses walking and meowing, to hear the laughter again. Make Ni-Mu feel that she has a real cat. See my elation as Ni-Mu jumps up and down, screaming, "Look Mum, my cat!". But it can't.

Tried to fix it, but I am hopeless. I'm not an electrician, nor am I Handy Schmanny. I can only love, but for the broken toy, the concept may just be an alien one. I'm not saying that the cat is devoid of love, when it first came into our lives... It has brought many happiness. And happiness is love, no?

But even it its stillness, it brings joy to Ni-Mu. She'd cuddle it, brush it... even do a medical check up on it. And just like that, it can make me smile too. Sometimes, she'd take the cat to sleep with her. But not tonight.

Tonight, it's staring at me. As if to say, "You did this.. You broke me" . And I stared back. No, I didn't break you.. I've always been careful. Or have I?

I wish it could just tell me why it fell silent.
I wish it would fix itself.
I wish it is as easy as changing the batteries.
I wished many things.

But it is still staring at me.

In a telepathic manner, I send a magical thought and wished out loud, "Meeska Mooska Mickey Mouse!" and "Abracadabra!" and "Hocus Pocus!"

Was that a smile I see?

I am officially nuts. I'm writing about a toy cat. Go figure.

A million things to do, and I'm hung over a cat. A toy one.

I need a miracle. Or maybe a toy clinic. Or Handy Schmanny.

-catless-L

A letter for Mr. AZ

Dear Jason,

You don't know me and I don't know you, but still here I am, writing to you.

I think you're amazing, funny and downright genius.

Okay, this part is probably borderline creepy, but what the heck, you'll probably won't read this.. I actually do believe you're mine, after all I have heard you say it to me a gazillion times over. I also do believe that we're both lucky to be in love with each other and that we're best friends (again, we say it to each other all the time in the car... who cares about that other girl who keeps chirping in..). And for sharing your love for a child, I can't thank you enough...

You make me smile, laugh, cry. What was born from your moments of self realization, self empowerment and self improvement has brought so much clarity to me.

So my dear Jason, I hope that we will meet someday, so we can sing, dance and perhaps even steal things..

Your Beautiful Mess,
L

Lucky..

I'm trying to be positive..

It's not new, for sure, in fact I try to "think" it all the time. But sometimes, I slip.

It's hard you know?

I slipped big time this morning. Ni-Mu, being in her terrible two going to terrible three stage, did something and I just slumped and cried. Overwhelmed, I sobbed on the bed. I felt so helpless. She saw me crying and climbed on the bed and curled right next to me, and said " don't cry mama... don't cry..". I must have done something right, I thought.

Then I realized how lucky I am to have her.. my little monster (formerly known as Nipple Mutilator).. my little rock... alright, more like a cute little pebble.. but a rock in every sense. And I know, everything's going to be fine.

After all, I AM big on crying.. for goodness sake, I cried during Carrie Bradshaw's Bridal Couture photo shoot in SATC the Movie!

And talking about lucky.. I am also big on that Jason Mraz and Colbie Callait duet! I swear, one of these days I will sing that song with that singingdork888 on youtube.

-lucky-L

I finally did it!

For those who don't know, I love reading... I mean, lurrrvvvee reading.

I remembered how when I was a little girl, my dad bought a set of children's encyclopaedia, and I would read it from cover to cover. Literally. That was how I found out that 1,2,3.. is not the only way of characterising numbers. I recall asking my mum what does MCMXIIV stands for since I couldn't make sense of the spelling. I think she just shrugged it off and told me, "entah.. macam-macam? sebab buku tu ada macam-macam? shira-nai wa .. gomen-ne?".. Yes.. my mum's funny that way.

At one point, my dad actually raised his voice and said, "SUDAHHHH.. Jangan asyik nak baca je.. Tidur! And I took out the batteries from the torchlight! GO TO SLEEP".

By eight, I had moved on to the red encyclopaedia volumes.. I still remember the smell.

But eversince little Ni-Mu was born. I can't seem to really finish a book properly, or even magazines.. (okay, maybe I did finish some goss-trash mags). Everything's kind of blurry.. And I have to question myself everytime I looked at the bounded little treasure, what the heck was that book all about again? And untill today, I've never really finished The Secret. Maybe that's why I'm so lost. Yeah, rright..

Today is different. Somehow, I've reconnected mith my long lost passion. I finished, truly finished a book. I truly felt I was there, in the pages, angry, betrayed, happy, even suffocated at times, tasted and smelled everything, every word. Tears rolled many times over (I do hope by now, I'm a sensitive soul).

The book's been out since 2003, and has even been made into a movie, and the book's sequel is already out last year. I finished it just now. And no question, I loved it. And I can't imagine how the movie is like, eventhough I heard it's really good. Just how do you translate those wonderful collection of words on to a screen? But since Madam GM cried her eyes out watching it, I guess it did justice to the book. She's a real toughie, and she bawled her eyes out. Somewhere, a stewardess is telling a story on how she had to serve food to a woman with air mata meleleh..

The Kite Runner. Go read it if you haven't.

-Hazara-L

I blinked and missed the light saber...

Let me tell you about the most expensive movie I've ever watched.

Drove all the way to the spotless island, braved the long Q at the customs checkpoint... all for a movie.. (okay, okay.. I did manage to squeeze in some quality family time with the birds...)

Sex and The City..

There we were, all dressed in our no nonsense mom-on-holiday bajus.. (meaning easy to pack and no frills shoes). No Manolo's, no fancy summer dress, no oversized clutch. Just me and Brave Lawyer Gal, giddily making our way to the movie theatre, leaving our kids to the mercy of their fathers...

We cried, we laughed, those witty lines...we oohed and aahed over the clothes, bags and shoes..

We drooled over Samantha's hot next door neighbour who always seems to be getting it on..

And I missed the big full frontal!
F**K.. f**kety F**K

And now, I can't wait to watch it again with my gal-pals... I don't care, this time I'll dress up, wear my pointiest heels.. and maybe, just maybe get a whole new outfit.. even if all the sex scenes are cut out, I'll still have those beautiful outfits splashed across the big screen.

-in-search-of-gladiator-heels-L

What's been up?

.. For those who actually wants to know..

- Caught up with the latest in the HQ, with The Grinder, who was just here last week. Things are getting very political apparently. And he noted that I should be very wary of one of colleaques, "he's the closest you can get to the Talented Mr. Ripley", Grinder warned. I expected that, what with him steamrolling me on his last visit here. Mr. Ripley (is what I'm calling him from now on..) is in for a ride of his life if he wants to play this game with me.. I'm a fireball, don'cha know???

- Potty training Ni-Mu. Yes, imagine the fireball wiping the pee trail off the carpet, floor, etc. This is probably the main reason for my absence.

- Been trying to practise yoga breathing and "stillness of mind". Impossible task, especially when one have to deal with Mr. Ripley and Pee-trailing Ni-Mu. And top it all with, me feeling kecik-hati because Homer has lost his wedding band.

I might just gobble down another cupcake. Compliments of the gracious Super Lawyer Mom. I can gobble it down, right?

-gobble-gobble-L

Brroaarrrrrrrrr!

Rain.. rain.. go away
Come again another day
Little L wants to play
Rain.. rain.. go away

Wowser... it's really pouring now.

-catty-and-doggy-L

Meeooowwwwrrrr

I think the city of Kuching has something against me.

I'm racking my brain as to whether I went out with any Sarawakian during my carefree days.. Did I unceremoniously dump anybody who hails from Bumi Kenyalang?

I went through a nightmare to get here, and now my return flight has been delayed.

I'm pretty sure I didn't, so perhaps the stars were not properly aligned.

Arghhh! I believe I just heard an announcement on a further delay to my flight! I cannot believe this!!!

Let me go, Kuching, you have to let me goooo....

-purr-purr-L

Stepping out in style

Everyone's talking about it.. what else, what I wore on E-day.





First and foremost, I was decent.





Oversized white shirt - So I won't be the talk of the Polling Station.


Chocolate tights - So I can stay true to my yumminess.


Gold peep toe wedge - So I'll have that extra 3 inches.

(OOooo the description above applies to all of us on so many levels!)


We all know what the outcome is. I am proud of my fellow Malaysians! You wanted your voice to be heard, and you made it happen. And now it's all about stepping out in style (now that I've gotten my E-day outfit drama behind me).

I'm talking about stepping out from yourselves and do your thing. Keep reminding yourselves why, you are where you are, both who made it in and got ousted.

So what have we learned?

You can still be chic on E-Day, eventhough you're voting in a Islamic school

and

Never underestimate the power of tights or the power of the people.

-now-the-real-work-begins-L

What to do..

Decisions.. decisions..

Yes, its that time again.. Election!

Whilst other people battle on which candidate to vote for, I have another dilemma to add to the impending E-Day.

What to wear.

Yes, you heard me right, what should I wear? It's not that I don't care about the political or moral standings of the candidates. I do. After all, I did major in Political Science. I can go on for hours talking about the state of our political scene. But this blog, in all seriousness, is about things which are needlessly complicated, right?

So I found out that I'll be voting in an Islamic school, and the first thing that came to mind is whether I should be wearing a headscarf or not, to which my dad said, "were you planning to wear a swimsuit? baju biasa je laaaaaa.."

But which baju biasa?????

-i-should-not get-a-new-outfit-L

Dear John...ny

Dear Johnny,

My heart skipped a beat when I saw you last night, even after all these years...

You look great. I'm sorry you didn't win anything, but I need you to know I was rooting for you.

Can you hear me Johnny?

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Mr. Depp. He's gorgeous, has a dark sense of humor and appparently sings too.
I'd do him.

-give-me-a-statue-L

I have my blonde moments..

But I'm not stupid..

I hate it when people think I can be steam rolled.

I may read glossy fashion and gossip magazines, but I've done my fair share of Robb Report and Fortune.

I have read the whole Shopaholic saga, but I have also dissected J S Mill's On Liberty.

I know the difference between Clogs and COGS.

Don't you just hate it when people think they've outsmarted you..

-rrrooaaarrrrr-L

Pit.. not to be confused with Pitt.

I find one particular deodorant ad .. ahem .. weirdly funny

Recap.

Which part of my body do you love (or was it like?) most?
Here? *girl shows off her long smooth legs*
Here? *fairy hands motion*

(In a deeply disturbing low manly voice)
You know which one... *close up to girl's dry/hair free/perfect armpit*

Okay. Pleeeaaasseeee tell me I'm not alone here.. It's weird, right?

Okay-okay. I have to confess, I did come across (fine.. dated..) a guy, who would've thought the ad was perfectly normal. It freaked me out.. but I thought, hey if he can love my imperfect "underarms", he can handle anything.. turns out he could.. in fact, he HANDLED everyone. More reason for me to say,"EEYYYYWWWWWWW!"

Okay-okay-okay. TMI.

-normal-regular-L

A bug slipped in between the cracks..

O God O God O God O God...

I just saw a tiny bug on the keyboard and tried to flick it away, but the critter has slipped in between D and C.

Shitters!

What do I do?

I'm praying that it will die and my laptop will be (ugh) its final resting place..

Do you think this can be the downfall of my new laptop?

O God.. A bug (literally) is messing with my PC.. HAAAALLLUP!!!!!

-why-me-L

First for the year...

Can you believe it's the end of January.. .

The first month of this new year is coming to a close and I am only now writing my first entry for the year 2008. WOW... I AM THAT BUSY.

Achievements so far -

1. Getting enough stamps from Starbucks and got myself the 2008 diary.
2. Twisted my way into getting a new laptop.. (yes, my first entry from my new laptop).. Nothing fancy, just good ol' Dell.
3. Closing half of my target for the year for one of my clients.. (yay!)

Setback -

1. Failing to keep my "intended minimum" bank balance..
2. Home is becoming more cramped with toys, documents and unread books.

Things to look forward to -

1. Becoming the best I can be.
2. Microsoft Vista
3. Becoming President of Urekalabs (Homer, you do know I'll never let this go down, right?)

-first-for-year-L