Hot and hazy..

“Ladies and Gentlemen; we have started our descend into Kuala Lumpur, please fasten your seat belt and ensure your seat is back to its original position. Thank you”. Aaah, home sweet home. I looked out the small window, anticipating vast greenery made up of palm oil trees. Oddly, I can only see white clouds, must be really cloudy today. As the plane touched down, I glanced out of the window again. *Sigh* The haze is back.. Aieeyyiee.. It’s hot too. Hot and hazy. I have to round up the gals. No time to waste, desperate time calls for desperate measures. So which will be it be then? Karaoke session or naked rain dance? -sweaty-L *update* desperate measures worked.. can now list rain-maker under special skills

Raining outside… Rugrats inside…

It’s raining outside, so I can’t roam around Jalan Dago, and since I am skeptical about the taxi service here, I might as well stay here in the “freezer” a.k.a my room and finish my report.

Switched on the TV, let’s see… something not so heavy and funny perhaps..

*click..click….click*

Hey, Rugrats! Haven’t watched that for ages, a little dosage of Tommy and his gang sounds alright.

*********
Chucky: Aku tidak di benarkan bermain dengan Reptar lagii
Tommy: Mengapaa?
Chucky: Bapa bilang Reptar alien yang jahat!
Phil: Hm, tidak mungkin!
Lill: Iyya, kerna Reptar sebenarnya adalah dinasor!
Chucky: Bapa sudah belikan aku mainan baru, patung bear, nahh, lihat!

*Rugrats all looking at plush teddy bear*

Chucky: Namanya Guber!
Lill: Ia tampak menggerunkan!
Chucky: Jangan takut, Guber tidak mungkin menyakiti orang.. lihat ini

*Chucky hugs the bear toy*

Guber (the teddy bear): Aku saying kamu! Peluk lah aku!
Rugrats (altogether): Waaaah!
Phil: Kita main sahaja dengan Guber kalau begitu..
Lill: Yok! Dia sayangkan kita..
Tommy: Tapi aku tak boleh tinggalkan Reptar..

*********

Rugrats in Bahasa Indonesia everyone!

-wish-the-rain-would-go-away-L

I can speak Indonesian..??

If you all could see me this morning, you’d either roll on the floor laughing or be really..really impressed with my skills.

There I was; standing by the side of the projector, introducing my product and training, in … get this, Bahasa Indonesia! (or the little that I know of the language). It’s a combination of what I have learned after watching Indonesian movies like Ada Apa Dengan Cinta; Eiffel, I’m In Love and my experience with other people’s Indonesian maids.

To top it off, they actually taped the session… I must have been good.. During the break, they ran out to get more tapes!

I normally train in English, in fact all my materials are in English. Even back in KL, I did my presentation in English.

They were so impressed with my Indonesian language that they have asked me to give a talk when they launch the product early April. I have another session tomorrow, hope that my newly discovered language skills is NOT a fluke and I will still be able to deliver.

Apparently, Bandung is lined with factory outlet shops, a haven for someone like me. And there’s a few around the hotel! Time to hit the road… Muahahahaa! Don’t you worry Homer, it’s my money….

-gue-hebat-deh!-L

RUSH!

Braved myself and drove to the Gold Souk area, found a parking spot with minutes to spare before the meeting. *discuss… discuss…* Zoomed back to the Springs, threw training materials, 2 suits and toiletteries (including all my hair products) in the suitcase. *clean.. clean… vacuum.. wipe.. wipe.. * *shower.. tra-la-la* Picked up Homer from work, dropped off his colleague and braved the traffic to Dubai airport. Cue song, “ I’m leaving… on a jet plane…” *fly… fly..* So groggy, did not get much rest in the plane. My brother picked me up and sent me back to my place. Unpacked and re-packed for Bandung trip. *shut-eye* In between, I managed to have dinner with my parents and caught up with the latest KL news with Super Lawyer Gal over the phone. It is a miracle that I managed to catch the 5.45 a.m. train back to KLIA. Long queue over at Air Asia’s “international departures”. Wow! Those girls behind the counter has waaayyy too much make-up on. They all looked like Mimi from the Drew Carey Show.. Tried very hard not to stare and laugh as I gave my passport. *fly.. fly… (again)* Grumbling as I saw no one waiting for me at Bandung airport. I’m not even sure where I’ll be staying. Called Mr. A, but it was off. Oh-Kayyy… Last email mentioned that I’m supposed to be put up at Hyatt. Taxi it is then. Right, my name is not on the Hyatt’s guest reservations list. Went to the business centre, saw an email “.. apologies, Hyatt is full, we’ve booked you at Holiday Inn ..” Arrrgghhh!! Taxi again. Prayed that it will NOT fall apart.. *rattle… rattle.. vroom .. rattle.. * The traffic here is as mad as Tehran’s. Phew! Me and luggage arrived safely. The door held on! Unpacked and hanged slightly crumpled shirts. Looks okay, too tired to care *stomach growling.. * Mee Bandung perhaps? -letih-gila-L

It's just not the same ....

Walkers Crisps 9 years ago, my lunch was mainly comprised of a pack of Walkers' Salt and Vinegar (at one point it was called Salt and "Lineker") crisps, Kit Kats and a can of Coke. My Saliva would kind of squirt as I sink my teeth on that first crisp.. Yum! Today, I had the same exact thing.. But you know what, it doesn't feel or taste the same. Why, I wondered.. Guilt perhaps? Walking up the stairs Huffing and puffing as I climbed the stairs, only one flight too! Age has definitely caught up, not to mention the wobbly bits! And I used to be the Queen of the stairmaster! Choosing the outfit for the day Clothes strewn all over the bedroom, just because I can't find the "right" outfit for the day..Nowadays, the reason why I have clothes all over the room is because I CAN'T FIT in them. Aaargghh!!! The lifestyle of Superstar pets I am watching "lifestyle of superstar pets". Oh my God. Kuro, our family's cat, ultimate luxury is when we get her one those canned cat food and when they're up for it, my brothers would give her a whole body brush out. These pets goes for manicures (with O.P.I colours), designer clothes (Burberry's, Gucci), owner and pet's massage in a luxury spa and get this... their own little cabana as their owner work on their tan! Primping When we were dating, I made sure I look effortlessly primped (if that's ever possible). Fast forward, picture this, me STILL in my nightgown, stubbly legs (eyww!), breath smells of salt and vinegar crisps..As I wait for Homer to come back from his Friday prayers. I know .. I know I should really make an effort.. But what is it about being married that makes you slack off?? (Shall save that for another entry) No more GK *sigh* -better-primp-up-L

Just one of them days...

My head is pounding, my back is killing me and my stomach is cramping up! I've tonnes of follow up to do, appointments to fill out and get my travel schedule worked out for the next two weeks. I used to remember those days when I jumped up with joy whenever work takes me out of the country, now I'm just dreading it. The only good thing is that I'll be able to make a few days stop over in KL, before heading back to Dubai.

I can almost hear Homer singing (badly) .. You're leaving on a jet plane..Don't know when you'll be back again...

Aeiyaieya!

-pms-L

A poem and uncommon company.

He welcomed us into his home, another friend was already waiting. There we were. Two christian Lebanese, a muslim Lebanese, an American Jew and myself. As we wait for dinner to arrive, the host, lover of art, read to all of us his favorite poetry. In his deep husky voice... Do not say my love was A ring or a bracelet. My love is a siege, Is the daring and headstrong. Who, searching sail out to their death. Do not say my love was A moon. My love is a burst of sparks. Nizar Qabbani (1923-1998) He read it in Arabic first, and then the translation. Beautiful. If only the world can get along as well as we had last night... -my-love-is-so-obvious-L

G-man is here...

G-man is my boss, the guy I report to, the guy who saw my potential four years ago and hired me. The last time I saw him was last September in Vegas. I don't know why, but I am VERY nervous about seeing him tomorrow. We have three big presentations this week, and I have no idea how we are going about it. Do I point (a-la Vanna White) while he talks? Arghhh! I hate having to do presentations when the boss is around. Homer doesn't think much of G-man, due to one pertinent circumstance where I mentioned that I once saw G-man only with a towel wrapped around his waist.. No, I am not a pervert; no, I did not just jump out of the shower with him; SERIOUSLY! No hanky panky whatsoever. While G-man, on the other hand thinks that I married Homer because of his money...Wait till he sees what car we drive over here, marry him for money my a**. Introducing these two men will be interesting, and would probably bring out more fascinating outcome than my Vanna White impersonation. -frozen-smile-on-face-L

Q & A

Of stuff that ensued today:

Q: Why can’t I find shoes my size in Dubai?
A.1: Ladies here just have larger feet.
A.2: My feet was bound (a-la-lotus-blossom) when I was a child.

Q: How come I can’t fit in designer clothes?
A.1: The designer’s muses are often tall and skinny people.
A.2: High fashion is meant for tall and skinny people.
A.3: I look ridiculous in them anyway.

Q: Why haven’t I made any new friends?
A.1: The "snob-L" overpowered the "friendly-L".
A.2: The people I made small talk with are all tourists.

Q: Why does the car behind me always have to flash their lights?
A.1: I drive a small car; therefore I don’t deserve the drive on the fast lane.
A.2: The drivers have an irrepressible urge to flex on the light indicator.

Q: Why was I lost during dinner conversation?
A.1: I was outnumbered 7 to 1 by IT people.
A.2: I think it is time for me to learn some heavy IT jargon.

Q: How come Homer is not peering into my computer screen as I type this?
A.1: He’s giving me some privacy, finally!
A.2: He’s watching TV.
A.3: He’s watching Fashion TV (FTV).
A.4: He’s watching models parading in REALLY skimpy bikinis on FTV.

Q: Guess who is going to be smacked right after I post this?
A.1: Homer.

-know-it-all-L

My new shopping partner.

Many of you out there don’t know this, but one of the gazillion reasons why I love Homer is that he can metamorphosize into a 6-foot-shoe-loving-gurrlllfriend. Alright, it did take a lot of coaching and bribes the first few weeks we were together but I am misty eyed at how he has blossomed… Dubai is halfway through its shopping festival (DSF), so I decided to check out some brand bargains at the Emirates Towers’ shopping boulevard. Anxiously, I stepped into the Jimmy Choo store, my heart palpitates as I saw the sign “70%”. Please oh please…. Let there be a strappy in my size.. *dub, dub, dub, d-dub, d-dub, d-dub* Sweetie.. look.. and it’s size 35.. (Black, strappy with pearl details) *gasp* And it’s 70% off.., try it on.. (in hushed tones) Verrry nice… Yes people, the tête-à-tête above, came from my former homophobic other half. And here, far .. far .. away from my usual shopping partners, he makes an excellent stand-in. We walked out happily with a shopping bag; inside is a brown leather Prada shoe. Who knew that he would end up getting the shoes instead of me? In his defense, the shoes were a STEAL, while the fickle minded that I am wants some more time to search for that strappy heels. -should-i-get-that-jimmy-choo-L?

Le gourmet sandwich maker vs the scale?

We were in Ikea just now and came across a trolley filled with weighing scales. Took one out and stepped on it. Ttooiingg..... That’s the heaviest I’ve been since the wedding! Not to be outdone, Homer is now officially double my weight! Right, drastic measure MUST be taken! If Renee Zelweger can do it, so can I. Two and a half hours later, after unsuccessfully trying to ignore the rumblings of my stomach, I knew I had to make something for dinner before I tear Homer’s head off. Something quick and easy.. 15 minutes and two empty plates later, my findings as follows- Homer is either a) a very good liar b) a trash compactor or I really do make great egg and turkey bacon sandwich rivaling O’briens. Dang! There goes the hope of going on the Atkin’s diet. -dusting-the-belly-dance-workout-L

I hate waiting for..

Contractors. The house today is filled with 6 men who can't speak English, and unfortunately I don't speak their language. It's scary, having all 6 of them stare at you while you explain what needs to be done. I wondered if all of them really has to be in the house to just repair the water pump, align the door properly and fix a crack on the wall. After about an hour, they all left, with the exception of one guy who motioned to his watch, I think he's trying to say that he'll be back in 30 minutes to paint the wall. That was 3 hours ago! I bet you they'll ring the door bell the minute I step into the shower! Hmpf! So the question now is, to shower or not to shower? -edt-fresh-L

What do I look like?

I don’t look “Malay”. I can’t help it. My mom is Japanese. My “look” is neither here nor there. In Tokyo, people speak Japanese to me. I can understand them, but I rarely speak back, my vocabulary is limited. But with kids below 5 years old, I am a HIT! In Hong Kong, Beijing and Taiwan, people I meet would think I’m a banana – yellow on the outside but white inside. I got tired explaining why I can’t speak Cantonese or Mandarin. Its fine, they can call me a banana as much as they like. In Boston and my studying days in Leicester, they marvel on how fantastic my English is. In Dubai, most waitresses would speak Tagalog to me. I get mixed services whenever I go in a store. On my “japanese” looking days, I’ll get the royal treatment, I can’t say much about the other days. But what happened at the airport before I left for Dubai, tops all my “hasty generalization” experience- (Conversation excerpt at the immigration counter, Kuala Lumpur airport) Oh! I ingatkan you ni Cina, tak pun Jepun sesat kat kaunter salah.. Ya, memang banyak orang ingat macam tu.. Kan senang kalau pakai tudung! senang orang nak tau melayu ke tidak! * I was flabbergasted! I had 1001 things to say to the officer, but I kept it to myself. I left the counter biting my lip. His last statement really got to me. I am upset, no .. angry in fact. If a Chinese woman wears a headscarf, will that make her malay or muslim? Enough said. -half-and-half-L * Translation of conversation excerpt: I thought you were Chinese or Japanese. Yes, a lot of people think that. If you had worn a headscarf, it will be easy for me to know that you’re a Malay.