So I came across this in my email, and not wanting to sound too much like Oprah (but already beginning to..) decided to put it up here.. have a read and let's analyze together.. ala Dr. Phil.. shall we?
DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said,
"It depends. Is that your husband?"
In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.
You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...
Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that _expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the _expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.
The rules applies, no doubt, and for those who's been married and have at least celebrated their first anniversary , knows that it's HARD work. The thing is, we being women have this weakness of (over) analyzing things... So we need affirmation, like the article above, we already know this, but having it written out and spread out in mass email is important to women all over the world.
But the excerpt above will have different effect depending on who reads it, whether they're in a relatively good mood (or not), crazy in love (or not) , etc..
I'll bet my bottom dollar, that when a woman reads this, they'll share it (guilty!), but men... ahhh Men.. they'll delete it the minute they read "Did I Marry The Right Person?" on the title of the mail. Why? Because, they don't want to get into the nitty gritty of relationship analysis. If it happens, great, if it falls apart, too bad.. time to move on, people heal and happiness is around the corner.
For us delicate kind.. If it happens.. oohhh, how deliciously wonderful! The world suddenly becomes a better place, and if it falls apart, ooo what went wrong? why? is it really time to move on? healing is such long and painful process. Drama. Easier said than done of course.. I can write about how everything will be okay.. as long as you stay strong.. bla..bla.. but I'm not gonna be a drama mama today.
I'm not saying that the snippet above is total crap because it IS true, but for once, I just wish that instead of us just worrying about how hard we've worked on the relationship .. take some time out for YOU... yes, I'm talking about ourselves.. remember who you were .. and who you've become now. And for once, I wish the guys know that EVERYONE can fall in love, yes, including your partner.. You fell for her, right?
People IN love and people OUT of love share one thing in common.. They're irrational. Remember that. Love is a funny thing, marriage is not even a thing... it's everything rolled into one.. like a rainbow roll and sometimes dipping it with a little soya and wasabi mix makes it more interesting.
In the end, it's as simple as this.. Are you happy? Is this what you want? Cos, if you're not happy, you'll find ways to be happy.. it's just HOW you are going to make yourself feel better... Staying true to yourself can be hard.. but look where it has gotten you, right?
Take care of yourself, and then take care of each other. NEVER take each other for granted. Not even for a little while....
I sound more like Oprah on Vicodine.
-Merry-L
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