Chiffon and Wax CAN make a girl happy..

Never underestimate the power of Hari Raya last minute prep.

The raya songs.. the right mood... the stars all lined up perfect. And in between I had a man working on toes... Aya - Caramba!

The damage? 650 ringgit! Thanks to Chief Baker Fairy..... 45 ringgit pedi, my *ss... Fairies are such unpredictable creatures!

What I got - Chiffon baju kurung with green and yellow batik motive, a "very me" short dress (typical me.. got distracted and succumbed to the fashionista side of moi), a charming necklace and happy shiny feet (previously wrapped in a layer of warm wax... mmmmmm... delicious).

And even managed to close my $150K deal over the phone. Dayymmnnn, I'm super efficient today. Totally lived up to my CFF persona.

And to think, there's still one more day till Raya...

Selamat Hari Raya all and Maaf Zahir Batin. And to all my friends, you are all I could wish for and more. Thank you and let's stuff ourselves silly with coffee kisses first raya night at my place... BYO coffee kisses.. I may not be inclined to share mine....

-raya-ya-ya-ya!-L

What happens in Vegas..

Doesn't necessarily stay in Vegas..

The Sin City has been good to me. I came back with a realization that I am who I am, and more importantly, what I want in life.

To many, I have it all. I don't, far from it..

I am smart, intelligent, beautiful (on the inside, at least), carry myself well, a cosy home, supportive family and a whole bunch of wonderful friends. The thing is, when we DO have it all, then theoretically we are done in our journey of life. And once we're done, then we stop growing.. and you guys know what it means when we stop growing? We begin to die. I don't want to die, metaphorically speaking, of course.

Didn't mean to sound like an unqualified life guru, but seeing Anthony Robbins on that fateful Tuesday morning was something else. Although my experience was nothing like that movie where Jeff Black saw the beauty within Gwyneth Paltrow (who had to wear a fat suit..). That morning, he spoke for close to three hours, and I listened.. really listened. All I know is that I want to keep on growing. Even when it feels like death, I never want to let my being die. I won't. I can't.

I also learned another thing, in a world where everyone strives to be a CEO, or a COO or a CFO. I now know that I want to be a CFF. I want to be a CFF! That's Chief Fun Fairy. That's right .. I want to be Chief Fun Fairy of my own life, folks. Thanks to a hyper fun cheerful Aussie named Amanda Gore.

I'll leave all the smart quotes to the CEO, which may go something like the following,

"To me, success is built on honesty, integrity and a person's own initiative to succeed. Personally, having the right attitude is always important in the pursuit of happiness and excellence. My current aim in life is to work hard and play hard. I intend to not leave any stone un-turned to progress in my career. I also believe, while enjoying a successful career, I'd like to ensure that I am able to enjoy my life and my family..."

I'll be the one waving my imaginary magic wand *bbrrriing* -ing all the bad thoughts away and putting back sparkles in the people in my life, and most importantly, myself. I'll make my wishes and dreams come true. And if someone out there keeps on *pffooff* -ing on me.. they'll just have to stay out of my life. No one's *pfoof*ing on my life.. Not on my watch.

Walk the walk, baby.

Out with the bad and ugly, and in with the nice and beautiful.

And if I slip, I'll get right back on the saddle. I promise.

-scared-shitless-but-determined-L

That grey striped cat.

The sky is clear tonight. I can see the whole KL skyline from where I am, minus the twin towers, which is blocked by the hills where a whole bunch of army families calls home.

And I am staring at the cat. Ni-Mu's motorised toy cat. It walks and meows, but alas, now no more.

It's silent, but it didn't pass on, after all, it is a toy.

Tried changing batteries, but still, nothing.

I wish it could talk and tell me whether it misses walking and meowing, to hear the laughter again. Make Ni-Mu feel that she has a real cat. See my elation as Ni-Mu jumps up and down, screaming, "Look Mum, my cat!". But it can't.

Tried to fix it, but I am hopeless. I'm not an electrician, nor am I Handy Schmanny. I can only love, but for the broken toy, the concept may just be an alien one. I'm not saying that the cat is devoid of love, when it first came into our lives... It has brought many happiness. And happiness is love, no?

But even it its stillness, it brings joy to Ni-Mu. She'd cuddle it, brush it... even do a medical check up on it. And just like that, it can make me smile too. Sometimes, she'd take the cat to sleep with her. But not tonight.

Tonight, it's staring at me. As if to say, "You did this.. You broke me" . And I stared back. No, I didn't break you.. I've always been careful. Or have I?

I wish it could just tell me why it fell silent.
I wish it would fix itself.
I wish it is as easy as changing the batteries.
I wished many things.

But it is still staring at me.

In a telepathic manner, I send a magical thought and wished out loud, "Meeska Mooska Mickey Mouse!" and "Abracadabra!" and "Hocus Pocus!"

Was that a smile I see?

I am officially nuts. I'm writing about a toy cat. Go figure.

A million things to do, and I'm hung over a cat. A toy one.

I need a miracle. Or maybe a toy clinic. Or Handy Schmanny.

-catless-L

A letter for Mr. AZ

Dear Jason,

You don't know me and I don't know you, but still here I am, writing to you.

I think you're amazing, funny and downright genius.

Okay, this part is probably borderline creepy, but what the heck, you'll probably won't read this.. I actually do believe you're mine, after all I have heard you say it to me a gazillion times over. I also do believe that we're both lucky to be in love with each other and that we're best friends (again, we say it to each other all the time in the car... who cares about that other girl who keeps chirping in..). And for sharing your love for a child, I can't thank you enough...

You make me smile, laugh, cry. What was born from your moments of self realization, self empowerment and self improvement has brought so much clarity to me.

So my dear Jason, I hope that we will meet someday, so we can sing, dance and perhaps even steal things..

Your Beautiful Mess,
L