Situation vacant

I believe I'm doing all my girlfriends out there a favour by putting this one out.

Urgent
Situation Vacant: Attentive partner

Job description: Maintaining healthy emotional connection between partners, creating loving and caring environment within the alliance.

Must be mature, intelligent, caring and dependable. Work available on contract basis, ending 9th July. Extension of contract can be negotiated. Football junkie need not apply, interested individuals may submit their resume via email.

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I don't hate football, it's just that sometimes it makes me feel a little less important.. ya know what I mean?

-dispossessed-L