Big baby and me

Over the weekend we caught the purple dinosaur show. Yes, we went to the Barney show, for the benefit of Bumpkin (or so I thought) .. but, in the end, it was more so for the big baby, i.e. Homer.

He was raving about Barney after the show, “I understand why the kids love him! (or is it her?).. Barney doesn’t insult the kids’ intelligence”, probably more like he doesn’t insult Homer’s intelligence. I can see it now, Bumpkin sitting in front of the TV watching Barney videos with Homer pretending that he is Barney.

On other news, we found out that Bumpkin’s estimated weight is 3.5 kg! Which means I have to brace myself for a C-section since the doctor believes that I am too small (short) to deliver Bumpkin normally if she keeps on packing the weight.

Any tips on keeping Bumpkin’s weight as it is?

-maybe-i-should-stop-eating-cakes-L

Sign number 6

that I’m losing it..

Super Lawyer Gal called me this morning asking for one of our girlfriends phone number. I frantically searched for my mobile, tossing the cushions on the sofa to the floor, while screaming, “Where’s my phone??? Can’t find my phone!!”.

Then it struck me, I was holding it against my ear!

-going-nuts-L

Yesss...

Yes..

Yes.. I am STILL pregnant and have overstuffed myself during raya. It’s a wonder how my belly can expand to accommodate Bumpkin (whom according to the weekly email updates, is packing on fat under her skin, gaining an ounce a day till D-day) and the lemang, lontong, nasi dagang, cookies and cakes that I’ve devoured.

Selamat Hari Raya !

Just remember that however full and overstuffed you feel, you can’t beat me.. paint me purple and I’d almost look like Barney!

-chomps-away-L

Milestone week..

I just came into my 35th week of pregnancy. Although my due date is 30th Nov, this time next week, i.e. at 36 weeks the baby is considered full term and therefore I can deliver anytime, and I am scared. I can no longer be the carefree L. It didn’t help that the Oprah show this morning was showing out of control kids.

Now I have to be “responsible L”, “disciplinarian L”, “mommy mode L”.

No more stupid questions like, “I find that I have to take a shower late in the evening before sleeping every night. Is that okay?”, to which my gynae smiled and said, “ .. erm, as opposed to showering once a month?”

Oookaayyy..

Let’s-stick-to-the-due-date-L

Crib-masterrrr....

I am Wonder Woman, sans the utility belt, cuffs, tiara and that gorgeous body.

Yesterday, I assembled the crib ALL BY MYSELF. Mind you, the crib did not come with any instructions, just the parts, bolts and screws.

Where’s Homer, you asked?

He has joined a cult.. I haven’t seen him since Saturday. Things will resume back to normal tomorrow when the money making course he’s attending finishes. This better be worth it ..

-Wonder-Woh-man-L

The gift

Last night, Mama Mido, Homer and I went to Super Lawyer Gal's place to collect some stuff that she's brought back from her London trip.

So today, Mama Mido will probably be parading around her new funky preggo outfits that we all ooh-ed and aah-ed over while I, am still recovering from Homer's antiques with my gift last night..

Homer may throw a fit seeing this entry, so first, I'd like to apologize and tell him that I STILL love him.. I received the gift last night and can't wait to see how it works, however I was warned by SLG that it is NOT a good idea to test it out when one has not delivered.

After reading the small pamphlet for the said item, I held it out and inspected the gift. And of course, I had this "itch" to give it a try. Afraid of SLG's warning I started testing it on my thunder thighs, and thought to myself, "hmm ...that's not too bad .. perhaps its because my gift is manual and not electric.." . By this time, curiosity got over Homer, who's been observing me and my new toy, and just like a big baby he took it away from me so he can play with it instead.

OOOOWWWWooowwoooOOOWWWooooooo

Curiosity killed the big cat.. or more precisely, his titties ...

-still-laughing-L

The First ..

Last night, I watched The First 50 dates for the fourth (or was it fifth?) time. I actually am NOT a big fan of Adam Sandler, but this movie is the only one that I could tolerate, in fact, loved.

I remember the first time seeing the film and asking Homer if he would make me fall for him everyday just like Henry from the movie would do for Lucy.

I may not have the Goldstein (or was it Goldfish) syndrom, but I know Homer keeps the fire burning in his own way. We all know it is hard work to keep it afloat, a little give and take goes a long way.

This morning, Homer gave his flu to me and took the new car to work. Aik? I thought the idea was that he gives and I take.. It must be the flu.. I really don't care!

Thanks, sweetie!

-recovering-L

Reality check.

I have been asked by my gynae to register for my pre-admissions, to get the paperwork of my impending labour done and out of the way. And I thought to myself, alright.. I don't want to be filling out forms as I come in screaming, huffing and puffing while my water breaking creating a puddle in the middle of the hospital's lobby.

So, as I was filling out my personal particulars on the second form, the receptionist pointed out that this particular form is for Bumpkin's registration, and that I should write "Mother" where the form asks for the relationship to person above.

MOTHER

Mah-ther

Me... a mother.

Who have been "housing" Bumpkin for the past 8 months? Me
Who will Bumpkin come out from? Me
Who will Bumpkin turn to when she's hungry? Me.

The above and many more; are reasons why I will officially become a mother.

MOTHER.

Am.I.ready?
God.help.me.I.am.so.scared.

That's quite a jump from being a preggo lady.

-pinching-myself-L

Glory.. glory!

Homer and I have been kindly invited to a birthday slash buka puasa soiree yesterday and came back with our own potted plants (plus a bonus of one of the fabulous table centerpieces). I’ve been told that the plant is called morning glory, and since I’m neither a gardener nor a plant-friendly person, I’ll take their word for it. And all these while, I thought Morning Glory is the English word for kangkung (all thanks to Coca’s Steamboat restaurant veggie menu)

Of course Homer now is so gung-ho about his plant and has made it his life mission to nourish, water and nurse his little potty morning glory like his own little offspring. He claims this is one way of honing his fatherhood skills.

This morning, I saw him going to our kitchen window, sprinkling water on those little purple flower buds… *awwwwwwww*

Someone better tell him that taking care of Bumpkin may take a gazillion times more effort than the plant… and that I think my morning glory is looking a little bit better than his..

-competitive-L

Ramadhan

No bonus points for guessing who's not fasting today.

I actually thought of giving it a go, but I only lasted till 9 am. Perhaps I shall refrain from gossiping. Hmm, but that went down the drain when Super Lawyer Gal called 30 minutes ago.

Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan!

-can't-wait-to-buy-food-at-pasar-ramadhan-L

The Shower of Gossip

The intended baby shower for Bumpkin morphed into gossip shower.

It’s no myth, and I’m not going to deny myself one of the many pleasures of being a woh-man. We “update” each other with the latest occurrences of each other’s life and/or other people’s. Homer would’ve given his right arm to be a fly on that wall. He won’t admit it, but he luurrvveess GNN (Girl’s News Network).

From the grapevine, I gathered that the our generation's mid life crisis arrives early.

Hey, what's life if it comes without challenges, right?

Thanks to Mama Mido for orgy-nising the girls, and everyone who came. Loved all the gifts!

Am-so-not-ready-L

Tears for fears...

Being pregnant has its perks.

For example, we’re currently in the middle of renovating the 2nd bedroom, and yesterday, the carpenters came to sort out the built in cabinet and study table. I had to endure the drilling, dust and heat. By the end of the day, I was sticky, irritable and very unhappy with the height of the open shelves and the overall workmanship.

I was close to tears and was on the verge of screaming to the 3 unassuming guys, but instead, I yelled at Homer over the phone. I was afraid that the carpenters are part of some mafia association (cos’ they do look like they belong to one) and since their supervisor whom is my main contact was not there, I thought it’ll be safer for me if I channel my anger to someone who understands how crazy I can get.

I was restless the whole night, roller coaster of emotions (at Homer’s expense), and this morning as the contractors came in to finish their work, I can see their amusement as they see all the yellow post-its all over the work they did yesterday.

As I begin my lecture on how things should be done and how I expect it to look like… tears began to well up .. the next thing I know I was babbling to 3 (really typical Chinese contractor with spiky hair and all) stunned workers on how this was meant to be the happiest room in the house with bright shelves, and soft toys for Bumpkin! I was millimeters away from crying and sobbing like a baby in front of strangers.

*presto*

Everything will be re-done, realigned, replaced .. re-whatever as per instructions by “perempuan mengandung gila”

.. well, as long as it serves to meet the ends..

Perhaps it was just the near tears thing.. I should really take advantage of this.. hehehe…

-manipulative-L

She ain't heavy.. she's my mother!

Sometimes I feel like my mum’s mission of life is to make me feel bad about myself. You see, me and my mum has this intense relationship. We can be the chummiest of friends one minute, and the other we’d be at each other’s throats.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s always been there for me and God knows she makes us laugh with her classic antics. Like her famous Yoko Yoko incident, where she mistakenly used yoko yoko (muscle relaxer roll on ointment) on her underarms instead of her usual deodorant..

But when it comes to criticisms, she is my worst nightmare, especially when it comes to my weight. I know that I am not overly obese, but I did gain some weight after a few years of living on and off as an expat’s wife. And she LOVES egging me on how I need to exercise more, cut down on fatty foods.. yadda, yadda. It doesn’t help that she is paper thin and fits in my clothes that I wore during high school!

The thing is, she only does it to us.. her children. I mean Homer morphed from somewhat lean steak to full fat chunk of beef, and still get praises from my mum on how great he looks! WTF??

Today, I was close to tears when she said I would most likely keep almost 10 kilos after I give birth cos she can’t see me losing that much weight. I’ve only gained 7-8 kilos so far! Then comes the double chin exercise talk and how I have to start doing bicep curls since they’re looking a bit flabby.

I know.. I know.. she means well. Probably one of her mysterious way of saying, “You can lose the weight.. I know you can..” But it drives me nuts.

Note to self, go back to parent’s place ONLY when Homer is with you. At least, Homer will be there to calm your nerves.

-Big-L

Wax on, wax off..

Warning: Do not continue reading if you find bodily hair (in particular, the strip down there) talk offensive and/or distasteful.

The tummy has been growing at a tremendous rate that I didn’t even realize I can no longer see anything below the belly standing up. And so, being the ever vain-pot (more so now that I am preggios), I am in constant aspiration to make everything look good and pretty.

To my dismay, I found myself in a situation where I am unable to take care of myself “down there”. Imagine, without your sense of sight, would you trust yourself with a pair of scissors, maneuvering your way around the valley-of-loooveee?? Even tried using the mirror, but for f*#k’s sake, my hand-eye coordination have been somewhat lacking, especially coming up to my 8th month of pregnancy!

And so, I resorted to calling Homer, who was watching TV. His reaction : Rolling on the floor laughing like a hyena …

Hmmph, I guess I just have to steel myself up, grit my teeth and go for that waxing saloon as suggested by Mama-Mido (formerly known as Brave-Lawyer-Gal).

-beauty-is-pain-L

Girls night out.

Bumpkin's first concert is all about 4 (ahem!) Ladies drooling over hottie Marcell and suave Glenn. What can I say? Marcell, the lean, tattoed guy in black tank top, with moves to match just makes me want to run up to him and plant a big kiss. The only thing stopping me from doing it is how it'll look in case someone decides to take a snapshot of that scene. I can almost see the headline for it, "Crazy Pregnant Woman Mobs Marcell!"

And Glenn almost made me cry when he sang Januari , *sigh* and for all the beautiful performances, I shall forgive him for saying "it's hurt..." (I don't really gel with bad grammar..)

And so finally after recovering from Marcell's wedding photos, by consoling myself with the fact that the wife may not be that pretty underneath all those make up. I decided that it is time to take out the leather whip and get Homer in shape, and perhaps send him for some dance classes? The problem is, what are we going to do with the facial hair? Homer's facial hair growth is a mile apart! Maybe we can pencil them in... Muahahahaha!

-i-am-so-mean-to-homer-L

Is it really Thursday?

Homer's hair stayed put throughout the day and even survived Yanti-soon-to-be-a-Flamenco dancer's birthday do. Yes, all thanks to his new Super Hard hairgel.

So, Homer has really adapted to his schedule in KL, including all the mini breaks during work. You know, those mamak breakfast, coffee-coffee and teh tarik breaks. And moi? Still muddling around, lazing about ... been meaning to clean up my wardrobe, but I've only managed to clear 1 suitcase since coming home.

This "nesting" instinct that all the preggo literature speaks about is a double edged sword. It's been said that you get this urge to just clean up the house in preparation for the baby, but what it fails to elaborate on (at least for me) is that, you have a "vision" of the cleaning process and how it'll look like, but you may not have the energy to actually get to finish the project and end up with piles of clothes strewn across the room, making it more like a tongkang pecah than an organised closet with more space for Homer's clothes.

-arrggghhhh-L!

Is this really a pharmacy?

As I browsed the aisles looking for that specific “item”, I saw Homer motioning to me that he found it.

Our options are as follows –

Hard
Super Hard
Wet
Wet and Hard
Wet and Super Hard

I asked Homer to just pick one because I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

We’ll let you know how this “item” works out tomorrow… hehehehe..

-what-names-will-they-think-of-next-L

Home sweet home..

We’re baaccckkkkkk!!

It’s only been about a week, but everything seems to fall back right on place. That’s the beauty of coming home. Okay, I’m still getting used to the morning traffic (because someone just have to be chauffeured to work..) but give me a week, it’ll all come back to me.

I still haven’t seen all my friends and aunts but I’ve gotten my hands on most of the juicy gossips, that’s what’s important, right??

On the “bump” front, I’m getting mixed responses. My friends (God bless their hearts) says I am looking great with the tummy, my mum on the other hand laughed her head off because she finds the “protrusion” extremely weird and just could not fathom my pregnancy style; i.e. “flaunt it when you’ve got it..” . My brother J, asked me to bellow, “HO,HO,HO..” so he can see if the belly will shake like jelly.

Oh, did anyone catch the National Geographic’s “In the womb” documentary? I did last night, and I’m still having flashbacks on the birth scenes. Homer kept saying, “close your eyes..” but I just couldn’t. Its like a crash scene, you want to look away but you just couldn’t. My eyelids were just glued open, mouth agape....

Oh, Bumpkins… what have we gotten ourselves into???

Well, what comes in must come out right?

-HELP-me-L

We're readyyy..

I thought I had everything planned out. Freeze some bolognaise sauce and spaghetti; as you switch off the fridge the morning they came to pack, take the containers out and let them thaw. Remind the packers to pack the microwave last. (L, you're just SOOOO organized.. pats on back!)

As lunch time approaches, pop the containers in the microwave and voila, you have a nice hot-homecooked meal, without having to leave your house, and racking your brains on what to eat.

Aaaahhh.. can you smell the meat sauce?

WTF????

Those little overzealous packers have packed everything.. including the drawer filled with plastic cutleries and wooden chopsticks .. (yes, I'm one of those who keeps take away cutleries, so sue me!)

It's lunch time, I am hungry .. Do I really have a choice?

I swear, I heard the elves giggling as they see me eating spaghetti with my fingers... Even they had cutleries with them!

Anyhoooo.. We're good to go, everythings packed and we've checked into our favorite hotel, where Homer gets the king of treatments...

We're coming home... and probably having cakes at Alexis tomorrow evening.

-bye-bye-dubaiiiii-L

Help!

Homer and I now live amongst cardboard boxes, styrofoam pieces, bubble wraps and masking tapes.

You'd think we're at least halfway through packing. N-O, sir-reee. We've barely scratched the surface. I'm afraid that I may turn mad tomorrow .. and guess what, Homer's leaving me in the morning to tie up some loose ends with the bank and office.

I suddenly feel sorry for those 4 packers coming tomorrow. Let's hope that they are perfect little elves that are really "the careful movers" as they say they are.

Bloody shit, how the hell did I manage to buy a whole new wardrobe full of preggo clothes? And not forgetting the rest of the stuff that I can no longer fit.

Homer, my dah-ling swee-tie pieeee... I'll be honest okay, we don't have space for your clothes. Yes, even in the 2nd bedroom.

-i-hate-packing-L