The things I can think of

Because I have been working and traveling hard, I rewarded myself with a spa treatment, Javanese lulur massage.. ahhhhh… Mariam (the masseuse) started me off with a foot bath and salt scrub, then a full body massage and finally the Javanese lulur scrub. It’s been a while .. and what can I say, it was orgasmic. I felt like hugging her when I was done, I mean, I have been traveling and working none stop for the past 2 months and another strenuous leg by the end of this week. I held back .. Knowing that it is utterly weird and can be totally misconstrued, after all my sighing during the massage. Although … I have to say, at one point during the massage, I was struck with this thought. Has any of the masseuse ever slipped while massaging the lower part of the body? It is just a thought okay? I have NEVER experienced it myself, but just think.. All that oil .. strong hand pressure and movement .. slippery upper thighs .. In any case, my muscles are now relaxed and my whole body smells spa-ish.. ahhh. Oh! And another thing, why bother with the disposable g-strings, when we are covered “there” by towels anyway? -kneaded-and-softened-L

I felt it ...

It was surreal, I was about to go to sleep when the room swayed. I was under the covers and I thought my spinning headache is back. I closed my eyes and kept under covers thinking happy thoughts. Then, the phone rang. It was my colleague, frantically asking me whether I felt the tremors. I'm wide awake now. Was seriously thinking of checking out and drive back to KL, but my father and Homer advised against it. They told me to calm down and whatever it is stay away from the beach. Hello? The hotel is along Gurney Drive.. where do I run to? I've decided not to let my fear get to me, and just wait for official announcements. The hotel staff mentioned that during the previous Tsunami inceident, the water didn't even reach the hotel, and even their basement was not affected. So, after much contemplation, I decided to go back to my room, on the 35th floor. And tune to the local news. As I peer out of my window, the sea looks dark .. . I pray that the tremors I felt will not be as devastating as the previous earthquake. -all-packed-L

Yay to Monday!

I never thought I'd say this but I am GLAD that the weekend is over! For the first time in my life, I am thankful that it's Monday. It's been a mind numbing weekend, explaining, showing and more explaining. I've been couped up and today, finally I can see the sky! Penang is NOT shrouded by haze and I look forward to stuffing myself with food tonight. And as a bonus, I got to drive up to Tanjong Bungah last night to Waterworld for great seafood dinner. Having said that, my baby sitting job is all BUT over. *sigh*. Another long week with my colleague. Can't wait to get back to KL so he can just mind his own business while I sort out the trillion things that should've been done yesterday! Maybe I can just drop him off at Batu Ferringhi and leave him there to bask in the sun while I go for a massage??? Mat Salleh loves the sun and the sea right?? And guess what? I haven't even started booking for flight for the next leg of my trip.. arrghh!! I take it back... No Yay to Monday! -i-want-my-masage-now!-L

TGIF???

This just in; within days of recovering from a viral fever, L will be making a trip up north to ensure that the launch program with her business partner goes well.

*sigh*

I was hoping for a leisurely drive up, but with the heavy haze, I'm really not looking forward to it. Damn, and I wanted to show my colleague how beautiful it is outside of KL.

The backache has gotten worse, the laundry is piled up high, the apartment needs a vacuum and a mop and as usual, I haven't packed.. arggggghh! Maybe it is the curse of the ping pong show?

Isn't Friday supposed to be a good day?

-babysitter-L

All better..

I have been down with a nasty virus since I got back from Bangkok, and NO, it's not what you think. Fever, runny nose and massive headaches. Last night, I actually saw my whole room swing, and I puked my guts out. Nasty.

I have to get well soon, I've got a long 2 weeks ahead, my colleague is coming for some demonstrations and then I'm off for training sessions in Singapore.

Woke up groggy from my "swinging" room, and heard the familiar melody coming from my mobile.

Text message:

"Channel News Asia reports the death of an old Japanese woman aged 104. It is reported that she is the oldest virgin ever. Her name was Mati Mati Takmaukasi."

LOL! Feeling better already.

-hungry-like-mad-L

Wanna see a show??

Finally, we caught the show.. With ping pong balls, chopsticks, whistles, bananas, etc. as their props. Talk about great muscle control *down there*. The girls in the club were all topless, while some were naked altogether, not unlike the go-go bars downstairs. Homer mentioned that he was getting sick and tired of watching titties by the end of the show. (Yeah.. right) You've heard so much about these type of shows, that you come in with expectations, but it's nothing like what I imagined it to be. I had this "Moulin Rouge" set going on in my head, with girls doing their acts on a burlesque designed stage, and girls with peacock feathers in their hair taking our orders. Here's the real deal- We were greeted by a topless lady who showed us where to sit. I can see that Homer's colleague and boss were a little bit uncomfortable. The girls were not as pretty as the ones in the go-go club, but they were friendlier. The stage was decorated with balloons and 4 naked ladies were grooving while waiting for the show to start. Between acts we had to endure the 4 naked lady (national geograhic - esque) grooving. Although I have to say I am in awe of one lady who managed to pick up plastic glow in the dark bangles using chopsticks. Yes! Chopsticks! I left the place feeling somewhat deflated ... now I have to add a few more things to my "I'll never be able to do list". -down-with-flu-L

Sawa-Dee-Kaaa!

I arrived yesterday to screaming adoring fans and gazillion camera flashes.

Automatically, my hands went up to cover my face, "No pictures, please!". (this is the drama queen in me)

Not my fans of course. I just happen to walk out just before a Taiwanese pop star. The screams were deafening. I nearly had a heart attack plus, I think I'm a little deaf now.

The people in Homer's group are such do-gooders, no one knows where to go for the "tiger" shows, and seriously, I feel that the novelty is wearing off. *sigh* Am I a freak for wanting to see ping pong balls shows? Hey, you have to do this once in your life, right?

Plus, I can't seem to see my haloscan... argh!

-tired-L

When animals attack!

I’m a channel flicker. Until I see something interesting, I’ll leave it on for a while and see whether I want to stay on that channel. So I happened to settle for a while on channel 17. “When Animals Attack” was showing. Argh! Frantically pushed the "+" button.

These types of show scare me and bring back memories. I know I can be such a drama queen, but seriously, the marks on my upper arm remind me everyday of my “freak” attack.

We were on the last day of our honeymoon, everything was perfect and we had scheduled for a couples massage in the afternoon. We thought we’d go for a little bit of snorkeling before lunch. Into the clear, blue, turquoise water we went, swimming with my little fishies.

It was as if the beautiful school of fish knew I was leaving, they actually followed me back to the shallows of the beach. So decided to sit with my snorkeling gear on and played with them for a while before retiring on the hammock.

Gbvrroooo…vbfroow… (the sound of Homer saying something with his snorkel on), while tugging on my leg.

Fbrooo…gwbrooof..

Felt a bump on my arm.

Saw a moray eel swimming literally inches away from me.

Stood up immediately, turned to Homer and said, “OMG! Isn’t that moray eel?”

I think it bit you.
OowwwwwWWwooowwwWWoo. It stings! Argh! There’s blood.. OwwooWW
It’s okay, sweetie. It’s only a little bit, okay?
You sure?
Yes, sikit je. Come up, I’ll wrap it with a towel first okay?

Oww..ooww… pedih.. oww owWW
I just use the bath towel first okay?
Is it bad? It feels really bad..
No, a little bit only..
Tipu..
I call someone first okay? We’ll get you to a clinic.
Why? You said sikit je? OMG.. you’re lying aren’t you?
No.. but maybe we have to stitch it up..
Haa?? Oww.. ooWWW Oww

5 minutes later. A young boy came with 3 band-aids and some iodine.

Erm, I think we should take her to a clinic .. NOW
Sir, you said an eel bit your wife?
Yes! And I think we need more than the band aids..

Eh, I thought you said it’s a little bite..
I know sweetie, but it is always good to have it checked by the doctor, right?
Let me have a look at the bite.

Unwraped the towel, lifted my right arm.

Oh. My. God. Oh. My. God! You are right sir, I bring the Marine Biologist to have a look at her!

He started to run and fell, got to his feet again and ran again. Fast.

This is when I started crying, “You lied! You said it was just a little bite.. And it’s really painful” *Bawl*

We waited another 10 minutes, and by that time I was really worried. What if the thing was poisonous? Am I going to lose my arm? I don’t want to die on my honeymoon! Help! (Paranoid or what??)

The marine biologist insists that a moray eel does not come to the beach area, in fact they are usually found in deep waters. Who cares? We know what we saw. We watch Animal Planet, Goddamit! Homer unwrapped the towel and showed the wound.

Gasp! (Screaming to walkie talkie) get the speed boat ready! We’re sending Mrs. L to the clinic!

OOhoohoo. Now you believe us. My arm must look really horrible. There was so much buzz around us as we went to the jetty.

To cut long story short, I was asked to identify the culprit, which was a type of moray eel, a young one. The German doctor poured hydrogen peroxide on my arm and armpit, while his colleague snapped on my wounds. For educational purpose, he said. So, if you happen to see a picture of a woman's armpit with deep bite marks, that’s me!

This was also the day Homer discovered how well I can swear and use really bad and ugly Malay words! All thanks to hydrogen peroxide.

Because we were leaving that night, the doctor said that it won’t be good to stitch it up, plus he’s worried that there might be an infection which will make it worse. He cleaned it up nicely (and painfully) and told us to seek further medical attention when we get back to KL. Moray eels are not poisonous, but they eat dead fish so they have a lot of bacteria in their mouth, so I was given some antibiotics, pain killers and a few jabs (on my ass!) to help me through the afternoon.

Everyone on the resort fussed over me, from the manager to our masseuse. But I’m afraid that I will be forever be remembered by all the staff on that resort, as fish bait.

Back in KL, as we were rushing to the hospital, Homer told the story to my family. And my smart ass brother, J said, “Tu la… tak mandi terus masuk laut, deodorant pun mesti tak pakai!”. I wanted to strangle him, but I was high on painkillers.

-scarred-L

Latte at Ten

We had very interesting company last night. Well, not really company; per say, more like having 3 girls seated within our earshot, and eavesdropped on their conversation. (Can’t help it, think 3 very excited girls dishing out on what they think relationships are all about!)

YT 1: What was the most expensive gift you ever gave your boyfriend?
YT 2: Mmm, the first time we went out, I bought him a pair of Levi’s
YT 3: Oh, I actually bought my boyfriend the Sony Ericsson K700i phone, I just love giving him stuff. It really shows my commitment to him.

Wow! Are these girls for real? A mobile phone for the boyfriend? A pair of Levi’s on the first date? They could not be more than 20 years old!

YT 1: I don’t know whether he’s flirting with me or what..
YT 2: Well how does he act around you?
YT 1: You know he’s very touchy – touchy.
YT 3: He’s definitely flirting with you. If he keeps touching you while talking to you, that’s definitely flirting. Anything other than that is NOT!
YT 1: Ohhh..

My God! Entrepreneurina nearly snorted out her latte through her nose! “Flirting is not about touching while talking. You can still flirt with your eyes, smile, words? Should we tell them?” She yelped.

What we heard next is priceless.

YT 1: I’m not sure whether he’s my boyfriend or not..
YT 2: Why do you say that?
YT 3: He calls you a lot, right?
YT 1: Yeah and we sms each other a lot too.
YT 3: Well you guys are definitely boyfriend and girlfriend! It’s obvious that he cares for you!

To which Subby Hubby retorts, “Honey, he can be IN you and still not BE with you!”

Too true!

We all wanted to do the Young Things a favor and teach them a thing or two about boys and the crap that comes with it, but obviously it was not our place to say anything. Besides they were probably like me when I was “green” and would have “pooh-poohed” us as crazy “loser thirty somethings”.

YT 1: And what about you and Mr. X?
YT 2: I think he’s definitely ‘the one’ and I don’t want to lose him
YT 1: You know what, you should tell him.
YT 2: And say what?
YT 3: That even if you guys break up, you will still be friends, forever!

Seriously, Young Things! Why even bring this up?? You have NO idea how it’s going to end up and you’re already talking about staying friends forever?

I wondered if the 40 year olds next to us were listening to us, then Entrepreurina, Subby Hubby and me would be the “Young Things”.

-truly-learnt-my-lessons-L

Is it really the middle of March?

I cannot believe we’re halfway through March already. I’ve been so busy coming in and out of KL only to see that the first quarter of the year had literally whizzed by! And I am anticipating this week to pass by like lightning too.

Tomorrow I’ll be tied up the whole day training .. Not looking forward to it but hey, a girl’s got to make some money for all those shopping. I am reserving Wednesday for meetings before joining Homer in Bangkok on Thursday.

Aaah, busy Bangkok. Where Homer and his “homies” eagerly looks forward to hop in go-go bars and watch shows where ping pong balls and razors comes out from the tunnel of love (or is it just tunnel for them?).

I’ve been to Bangkok a couple of times before for work but I never did get to watch these shows. Me and my friend Dior, just could not bring ourselves into any of the clubs. Walking along Patpong road, we can see the topless girls dancing on table tops, writhing against the poles.

From where we were, we can hear the girls talking to each other, “ ar- rrai.. swwammmee.. krang krong raaaiiii… khap kum kaaa….” (this is my horrible interpretation of their beautiful language), it sounds like they were talking about normal stuff, probably they were talking about what they had for lunch or how they were stuck in traffic. We can see all the men oogling and cheering them on, while the girls just kept on dancing and talking; ignoring their drunken “adoring” crowd.

Some men were tugging on us to get into the club, “ come in madaamm, yu will enjoii.. show vely sensual.. vely sensuaalll.. madam! Come, come.. you and flend, pretty girls. You will laaiikk, sensual maadaaamm..”

Aieeeeeeeee!!!

We would have gone in but after seeing the girls dancing and talking like that we were not sure how we would enjoy the show. They look like they HAD to do it rather than they WANT to do it. So we wouldn’t know whether we should applaud and slip in tips on their G-string or just stare blankly at them and pretend we’re enjoying the show.

So any suggestions on where I should take Homer and his “homies” for a great boys night out?

-damn-good-wife-L

All for Mr ...

Buaya 69, who linked me on this-

1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer?

4.42 Gb equivalent to 1,116 songs. Wow! I can’t believe I have that much music. Though I have to say that this is shared between me and Homer. Unfortunately, we can’t afford 2 iPods. Mostly mainstream music, a little bit of ol’ skool (aah, the good old days), pretty much straightforward, trying to keep up with the music nowadays with the hope of being “hip” …. Yeah!


2. The CD you last bought?

While in Bandung (the land of cheap CD’s .. whaddaya know?), I bought 3 in one go: - Robbie Williams, The Greatest Hits.
- Peterpan, Bintang di Surga (Indonesian band)
- Melly Goeslaw (Indonesian Female artist)

3. What was the last song you listened to before reading this message?

Do you really want to hurt me? – Culture Club. ONLY because I was watching Naomi Campbell in a tell-all interview and she mentioned that she once danced in of one of their video clips, and they played the song … okay, so sue me.


4. Write down five songs that you often listen to or that means a lot to you

I Will Survive (Gloria Gaynor)– a must karaoke song! Plus, it’s my booster beat.

Stars (Simply Red) - *aahhh*, I wanna fall from the sky..straight into your arms..

The sun ain’t gonna shine - song – Can somebody please refresh my memory on this? You know that clubby song? To those who partied at DV8, Base, help? Faarrrrkkkkk! How can I forget this one??

Galvanize (Chemical Brothers)– *new* there’s just something about that line: “my finger is on the button”

Rich Girl (Gwen Stefani)- *new* nanananana..while singing, wishing that I am wealthy.

5. Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why?

Izuan, cos’ I wonder what the younger generation listen to. And then perhaps I can dream about that frilly mini skirt again…

MzMin, apparentlly she’s broody today so I want to know what she’s been listening to.

Kusumadevi, since she’s soooo out this world after her “hare ohm hare ohm” trip.


Apparently there’s a curse. According to Buaya 69, in Irish it's Go gcreime maorlathaí míthrócaireach do dhiosca crua! Don’t ask me..

Right, now I can pack and hopefully be on time for my flight.

-back-in-kl-tomorrow-L

What will they come up with next?

Right now, I'm watching "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!". It's about a bunch of celebrities, (of which I have no idea who they mostly are) staying together in a jungle somewhere in Australia. I only recognise a few of the male celebs; Tyson Beckford (the model), Chris Judd (J Lo's ex hubby) and Robin Leach (Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous host) but none of the females. I assume that they have to do some grossed out feat to get through the day and get some sort of reward. Bleargh! I'm changing the channel! .. I miss the Amazing Race.. -what-the?-L

The List:

Ehleena’s comment on my previous entry prompted me to write down this list. Why do women have babies when they already have to deal with their “baby husbands”? 10. We LOVE challenges .. can’t get enough of it. 9. Who needs beauty sleep? We’re already beautiful! 8. It will be fun to see who can learn to leave the toilet seat down first. 7. “Baby husbands” can finally have someone to talk to and play with. 6. The two babies will make for a darn good entertainment once they’re changed, fed and burped. 5. There is no one “man” enough to ensure the survival of humankind. 4. Silicone implants? Bah! Grow bigger naturally, I say! 3. Three words, Paid Maternity Leave. 2. Why bother with the imitation, when you can have the real deal and mould them to your liking? And last BUT surely not the least 1. We might as well, especially when “baby husbands” makes us participate in mind numbing acts like what mine just asked me to; “Sweetie, put both feet on the floor. Lift your right leg and rotate it clockwise. Now with your right hand, draw the number six.. Eheheheh; see, your feet automatically rotates counter clockwise!” -why-me?-L

Hamsterina?

Alright, this may be NEWS to some people out there; but Homer and I are not on any sort of birth control. My apologies if this is waaayy too much information for you all. However, we are not really trying either. How can we? We can’t even stay together for more than 35 days, let alone have sex every day. And to tell you the truth, Homer himself is a BIG baby! Some time ago, I received a very interesting mail from Brave Lawyer Gal. Here’s an excerpt: “.. i was reading my old health mags last week and found a little article stating that echinacea tested on hamsters were found to hv resulted in the hamsters' eggs not being able to be penetrated by sperms…the article also talks about how these herbal stuffs are not thoroughly tested vis a vis its effects on human...so, it's a case of the world being cautious of its adverse effects. so there. thoughti should pass this to u. the article failed to specify the similarities between hamsters' eggs and human eggs...but it just ended with asimple warning i.e. if u wanna cocneive dont take Echinacea..” * Ignore the spelling slip-ups; it is after all, an email between friends. Not in ANY way does this represent her professional vocation. She is an excellent lawyer! When I read the mail, I had this mental picture; Me, as a little hamster scurrying in my little exercise wheel. Then zoom into my uterus where my eggs are (a-la zooms like in the C.S.I. series), and seeing Homer spermatozoas butting their heads on my impenetrable eggs. Each of them saying, “D’oh!” over and over again. Heheh.. Alright, no more echinacea then. Let’s make life a little bit easier for those sperms. Errmm …. Perhaps it is time for Homer to have a friend … -i-think-i-make-a-cute-hamster-L

Time waits for no one...

{kletak, kletak, kletak… damn kitten heels!} *whirring noise of the suitcase roller* ..running ..heavy breathing.. L: Dubai?? (huff, huff….) Man: No, Karachi. (huff, huff..) L: Oh.. we’re on the same flight! (huff…) Man: Thank God! I thought I’m the last one! (huff….) L: You checked in your luggage? (huff…) Man: Yes! (huff, huff..) L: Oh, good.. They won’t leave without you.. (huff..) ..still running ( feel like fainting.. but. Must. Make. It. To. Gate. C 36..) Airport guy: Ms. L and Mr. Ahmed ?? We made 3 announcements!! L: (huff..) Sorry, we’re here now.. (huff..) Man: Yes.. yes sorry.. (huff..) Airport guy to walkie-talkie: Okay, last 2 passengers is at the gate.. No need to load off luggage. L: Thanks (huff…) I’ve had many close call before, but NEVER this late. I just had to have breakfast at La Bodega after checking myself in at the KL Central station. I thought I can catch the 11.45 am train to the airport, but completely forgot that after 10 am, the train runs every 20 minutes. So, I had no choice and took the 12.00 pm train, arriving at the airport 12.30 pm. Flight departs 12.45 pm. I RAN all the way to the gate. That’s why my life is NEEDLESSLY COMPLICATED! -body-aching-all-over-L

Lessons of Gold

At the risk of exposing what I do, I have decided to do this community (albeit a small one) a service by helping them appreciate and understand the world of Jewelry. The history of jewelry is as old as human kind itself; it is seen as objects of adornment, and in its earliest days, jewelry is made up of objects of everyday life like shells, pebbles, even leaves. Passed through generations, these simple adornments became important; valuable, a part of our heritage. I can write further and bore you to tears on this; but simply put; jewelry evokes our emotions; be it love, pride or obsession. In my humble opinion, in its truest essence, jewelry is a form of art that can be worn, and “art” is perceived differently from one person to another. Just like art, we have different school of thoughts and come in various forms. So, boys and girls… Are we ready for our lesson of Gold? Gold is the most sought after material in jewelry making, so it is apt that we all start off by getting to know our yellow friend. And since I’m doing this for free, (loving’ it though…) I’ll cut straight to explaining the most confusing terminology used in the gold industry. K = stands for Karat (not to be confused with carat, a measurement of weight for diamonds), and has nothing to do with the orange vegetable, carrot. It is a measurement of gold purity. 24K is pure gold. In its truest form, it is soft, easily pliable. Suitable for carving designs, but not to be mounted with any gems, as it is not strong enough to hold it in place. 18K, is made up of 75% gold and 15% other metal alloys, allowing it to be stronger. Most popular among craftsmen as they can work in designs AND mount gemstones. Laymen term for 18K is “white gold”. The thing is, it’s not really white, 18K gold is still yellow, just not as bright as pure gold. Imagine yellow mixed with a little bit of white. The white finish that you see in “white gold” is actually rhodium plating, the same plating for silver and platinum! So, seriously, a white gold ring, a platinum ring or a silver ring which are fresh out from the oven after the plating.. all looks the same! But if you think you can get away with saying that its platinum when its only white gold … you CAN’T, the plating wears off you know.. And since I can sense that you’re mind is already wandering off, let me just wrap this up. Pure doesn’t necessarily represent the best. Throw in some other element, it binds the original foundation and becomes stronger. It may not be as shiny, but give it a nice layer of coat, a little loving; it will embody your emotion. Just like in 18K gold, the additional component adds on to our lives, making us stronger and able to take on the jewel that we call life! Get it? -strong-yet-soft-L

M.B.A

Married But Apart

It’s a known fact, relationships takes a LOT of hard work. I cannot stress enough on this matter, look around us; it is splashed on the silver screen, television series, people blog about it, heck.. Just look into the mirror and you’ll be reminded that you yourself have been through hell and back.

We’re not living a fairy tale life, where everything has a happy ending. THIS is about a boy and a girl who loves each other but can’t seem to be together. This is the story of my life *sigh*.

Then

I’m in KL, travels much of the time – He got transferred to Aberdeen.
He proposed (if you can call it one!) – I said yes ..
He got transferred to Iran – Collectively stayed together for 3 months.
He was offered a position in Dubai – Collectively stayed together for 2 months.

Now

I’m in KL – He’s in Dubai.
I plan to go back to Dubai – He’s been asked to go to Bangkok.
I can go to Bangkok, but cannot follow him back to Dubai – Work
He can try coming back to KL after Bangkok, but unlikely – Work


Looking at my palm; (as in PDA, not palmistry), we may be able to catch up with each other on the 3rd week of April.

Oh! I may be able to squeeze in a short trip back to Dubai before he goes to Bangkok. All I have to do is rearrange every appointment I have here and Singapore (that took months for the clients to confirm ..).

I’m drained.

-can-i-be-cinderella-instead?-L