"Sah?....Sah..."

The most interesting place to be on a Saturday morning is the Nikah/Rujuk/Cerai office at Jabatan Agama Islam Wilayah Perseketuan, next to the Masjid Negara. This morning, I was there to collect my long overdue and possibly cob web ridden official marriage certificate.

Went up to the queue number machine and looked at the options – one single red button that says “nikah/rujuk/cerai” (marriage/reconcile/divorce). I find it funny that these three services are rendered at the same office.

As I pressed the button and got my ticket, I saw that there was only one man in front of the information counter, so I decided to stand in line. After all, maybe I didn’t have to wait for my number to come up since it’s just the certificate collection.

Jadi sekarang apa masalahnya?
Isteri saya dah meninggal.
Jadi?
Saya nak pasang lagi satu.
Oh, encik kena bawak surat kematian isteri, lepas tu, kena tengok i/c bakal isteri encik, kalau alamat KL, bolehlah kita bagi surat kebenaran nikah
Tapi saya ada dua calon! Nak tengok yang mana satu?
Ermm, panjang cerita ni.. dua-duanya setuju ke?
Saya sebenarnya tak tahu mana satu nak pilih..
Kalau macam tu, encik balik fikir dulu, bincang dengan sesiapa yang patut.
Terima Kasih lah ye!

I swear I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but he was just in front of me!

Cik?
Saya nak ambil sijil nikah saya.
Oh, nikah kat KL ke?
Ha-ah, kat Masjid Wilayah
Bila?
Dua tahun lepas ? (senyum tersipu-sipu)
Oh..Ada la kat sini, dah ambik mombor?
Dah..
Ha, duduklah, tunggu..

Erk!

The seats were mostly filled up so I sat at the front row, near the information counter, again, let me reiterate, I had no intention to eavesdrop, although the exchanges are fascinating!

Cik! Saya nak bercerai!
Sabar dik.. Dah pikir masak-masak?
Saya tak larat dah! Kami memang dah tak bersefahaman!
Tapi kita sebagai orang Islam tak boleh nak bercerai macam tu je..ada process.
2 tahun sama dengan dia…saya confirm nak cerai!
Sabar, ambil borang ni, tapi kena pergi mahkamah syariah, lepas tu kaunseling..
Ah, tak nak kaunseling la kak, tak boleh ke cerai je?
Kita kena ikut peraturan dik, isi ni dulu ok, ambil nombor, nanti kat kaunter diorang boleh tolong.
Alah, leceh la…

The boy is no older than 23, mat motor-ish, he left huffing, carrying his helmet.

This place is a haven for gossip columnist! But let me digress from further exploiting my position in front of the information counter.

It must be unnerving for people who are getting married to get their papers done in the same room as the people getting their divorces. No pun intended here, but imagine if I started some small talk with the person next to me. There I am, all smiley and happy talking about my wedding preparation when the other person is contemplating a divorce! I suppose the best bet is to just keep to yourself when you’re in the nikah/rujuk/cerai office.

The room brought me back to the time when I was getting married. Man! You want to complain about bureaucracy? Getting married in Malaysia (as a muslim) is one big roll of colorful tape. Both bride and groom is in for a lot of running around finding their “mukim” and who their imams are, eligibility letter for the groom if this is their first marriage and even worse, each state has different rules and ways regarding the akad nikah.

I’m glad that part is over and done for me and Homer, in fact, we got married in record time! It took us exactly 5 weeks from the day of Homer’s "supposed" proposal to the actual wedding day! And noooo, we were not wed under suspicious circumstances.

I think it’s high time someone wrote a manual on how to get the marriage paperwork done. The kursus kahwin was not of much help to many of my friends and myself, aside from listening to the ustaz’s (mild) dirty jokes and learning the acts of foreplay in malay.

Fast forward, 2 years later, I finally have in my hands my original marriage certificate, and a momok hubby.

-kahwin-susah-single-pun-susah-L