Chronicles of..

Naiaraaaa

7.30 am - Wails then sinks mouth on boobies
8.30 am - Have face and bum-bum washed and cleaned by yours truly
8.45 am - Watch mumsy make a fool out of herself, trying to keep little NiMu entertained
9.15 am - Short walk with Ba-ba (the ever obliging Obaa-san, aka grandma)
9.30 am - Nap
11.00 am - Wails while having nappy changed
11.15 am - Yummy Boobies
12.00 pm - Nap
3 pm - Wailed
3.15 pm Nappy change and more yummy boobies
4 pm - Play time, with a limit of 6 minutes per activity..
4.45 pm - In the stroller
5.00 pm - I'm too tired entertain her.. where's her uncle and daddy????
5.30 pm - Just stick the boobies in.. maybe she'll fall asleep .. (yeahhhh rright)
6.00 pm - Bath time.. and peed all over my pants.. *sigh*
6.30 pm - Maybe some more milk.. Gosh .. cepat la tidooo
7.30 pm - Passed the baton over to Homer-dad
8.00 pm - wailed and pooped
8.30 pm - Sleep.. finally
11.00 pm - Wails while eyes still closed and nappy change
11.05 pm - Sinks mouth onto boobies
12.00 am - Sleep
3.30 am - More milk
4.30 am - More Sleep
7.30 am - ... And the cycle begins again

* Fussines, crying, wailing and pooping has been kept to a minimum in this report so as NOT to SCARE future parents.

-milked-out-L

I need to

- have my hair washed and blown by Keith
- desperately do my nails
- go lunching with my girlfriends
- buy something new... bags, shoes, clothes.. anything!
- get back in shape


Today is jual ikan - day... feeling a tad selfish today

Perhaps ordering in MacDonalds' will make it all go away.

-itching-to-be-out-and-about-L

Motherhoooodd

Things I’ve learned so farr..

- Having a C-section does not make you a 2nd class mother and don’t let anyone get you down on this. Try breastfeeding a squirming (and after a while.. crying..) baby while lying down on your side after 7 layers of your tummy has been cut open, then prodded pushed and pulled apart.

- Breastfeeding is PAINFUL. The baby shall now be called little NI-MU (NIpple MUtilatorrrr)

- Ni-Mu (formerly know as Bumpkin) looks so much like that baby in Ice Age.. just not as easy to entertain.. Does this mean I’m the Sloth cos Homer is definitely the Mammoth? ..heheh

- Walking with dignity is impossible the first couple of days .. and possibly for the rest of the week. Don't bother packing nice outfits for coming home.

- The 1st woman in the breastfeeding video looks a lot like Uma Thurman and the 2nd resembles Janet Jackson. This little information entertained me during the breastfeeding class… Should have paid more attention.. my poor breasts..

- Don’t bother looking at yourself in the mirror after giving birth. You’ll still look pregnant.. to be precise.. you look 5-6 months pregnant. Keep your focus on the miracle that has came out of it.

- The only thing that will cheer you up is getting the baby latch on to your boobies correctly and having her fill till she falls asleep. Having your hair professionally blown may come to a close second.. That’s my hunch at least, cos I never did get the chance to have it nicely blown..

..uh-oh, Ni-Mu beckons.. be still my nipples..

-mutilated-L

And baby makes three......

Our little bundle of Joy!!!

Say Hello to Baby Naiara!!





Wifey safely delivered a very healthy baby girl!

Born 23-11-2005 @ 1800 hrs.
Weight: 3.75 Kg
Length: 47.75 cm

Both Mummy and Baby doin fine. Daddy still recuperating....

Our little bumpkin is now our little eskimo girl... her mummy says she looks like the little baby in Ice Age.. heh...

-Homer says "and the fun begins...."-

Guess who's coming to dinner..

On our last check up, Bumpkin has grown heavier, right up to the doctor's cut off weight for normal delivery. And so after a LOOOONNNGGG discussion with a little bit of tears on my side, we are going to for a scheduled window opening (aka c-section). Had my last jalan-jalan and dinner last night before officially becoming parents.

Couldn't really sleep last night and kept staring at the crib next to me. *Gulp*, soon that space will be occupied (hopefully by Bumpkin and not her toys .. will try the hardest to be disciplined and let her sleep in the crib..)

So later in the afternoon, we'll be seeing our precious Bumpkin!

Praying for a swift procedure, small incision and most importantly, our baby's health.

-one-more-scar-for-the-tummy-L

Random thoughts..

While waiting to see the doc.

- The tummy makes for a fantastic hand rest.
- Tummy can also double up as cup holder.
- Must remove cup immediately when Bumpkin starts to move frantically, unless you don’t mind spilling water on the already stretched out t-shirt.

*update

Bumpkin has maintained her weight and she’s still floating around, i.e. the head is not engaged yet, so no baby yet, and there’s a great chance that I won’t go into labour till next week.

To conclude, I’ll still have my hand rest and “round” table to use as I please.

I am now a furniture.

-solid-L

Big baby and me

Over the weekend we caught the purple dinosaur show. Yes, we went to the Barney show, for the benefit of Bumpkin (or so I thought) .. but, in the end, it was more so for the big baby, i.e. Homer.

He was raving about Barney after the show, “I understand why the kids love him! (or is it her?).. Barney doesn’t insult the kids’ intelligence”, probably more like he doesn’t insult Homer’s intelligence. I can see it now, Bumpkin sitting in front of the TV watching Barney videos with Homer pretending that he is Barney.

On other news, we found out that Bumpkin’s estimated weight is 3.5 kg! Which means I have to brace myself for a C-section since the doctor believes that I am too small (short) to deliver Bumpkin normally if she keeps on packing the weight.

Any tips on keeping Bumpkin’s weight as it is?

-maybe-i-should-stop-eating-cakes-L

Sign number 6

that I’m losing it..

Super Lawyer Gal called me this morning asking for one of our girlfriends phone number. I frantically searched for my mobile, tossing the cushions on the sofa to the floor, while screaming, “Where’s my phone??? Can’t find my phone!!”.

Then it struck me, I was holding it against my ear!

-going-nuts-L

Yesss...

Yes..

Yes.. I am STILL pregnant and have overstuffed myself during raya. It’s a wonder how my belly can expand to accommodate Bumpkin (whom according to the weekly email updates, is packing on fat under her skin, gaining an ounce a day till D-day) and the lemang, lontong, nasi dagang, cookies and cakes that I’ve devoured.

Selamat Hari Raya !

Just remember that however full and overstuffed you feel, you can’t beat me.. paint me purple and I’d almost look like Barney!

-chomps-away-L

Milestone week..

I just came into my 35th week of pregnancy. Although my due date is 30th Nov, this time next week, i.e. at 36 weeks the baby is considered full term and therefore I can deliver anytime, and I am scared. I can no longer be the carefree L. It didn’t help that the Oprah show this morning was showing out of control kids.

Now I have to be “responsible L”, “disciplinarian L”, “mommy mode L”.

No more stupid questions like, “I find that I have to take a shower late in the evening before sleeping every night. Is that okay?”, to which my gynae smiled and said, “ .. erm, as opposed to showering once a month?”

Oookaayyy..

Let’s-stick-to-the-due-date-L

Crib-masterrrr....

I am Wonder Woman, sans the utility belt, cuffs, tiara and that gorgeous body.

Yesterday, I assembled the crib ALL BY MYSELF. Mind you, the crib did not come with any instructions, just the parts, bolts and screws.

Where’s Homer, you asked?

He has joined a cult.. I haven’t seen him since Saturday. Things will resume back to normal tomorrow when the money making course he’s attending finishes. This better be worth it ..

-Wonder-Woh-man-L

The gift

Last night, Mama Mido, Homer and I went to Super Lawyer Gal's place to collect some stuff that she's brought back from her London trip.

So today, Mama Mido will probably be parading around her new funky preggo outfits that we all ooh-ed and aah-ed over while I, am still recovering from Homer's antiques with my gift last night..

Homer may throw a fit seeing this entry, so first, I'd like to apologize and tell him that I STILL love him.. I received the gift last night and can't wait to see how it works, however I was warned by SLG that it is NOT a good idea to test it out when one has not delivered.

After reading the small pamphlet for the said item, I held it out and inspected the gift. And of course, I had this "itch" to give it a try. Afraid of SLG's warning I started testing it on my thunder thighs, and thought to myself, "hmm ...that's not too bad .. perhaps its because my gift is manual and not electric.." . By this time, curiosity got over Homer, who's been observing me and my new toy, and just like a big baby he took it away from me so he can play with it instead.

OOOOWWWWooowwoooOOOWWWooooooo

Curiosity killed the big cat.. or more precisely, his titties ...

-still-laughing-L

The First ..

Last night, I watched The First 50 dates for the fourth (or was it fifth?) time. I actually am NOT a big fan of Adam Sandler, but this movie is the only one that I could tolerate, in fact, loved.

I remember the first time seeing the film and asking Homer if he would make me fall for him everyday just like Henry from the movie would do for Lucy.

I may not have the Goldstein (or was it Goldfish) syndrom, but I know Homer keeps the fire burning in his own way. We all know it is hard work to keep it afloat, a little give and take goes a long way.

This morning, Homer gave his flu to me and took the new car to work. Aik? I thought the idea was that he gives and I take.. It must be the flu.. I really don't care!

Thanks, sweetie!

-recovering-L

Reality check.

I have been asked by my gynae to register for my pre-admissions, to get the paperwork of my impending labour done and out of the way. And I thought to myself, alright.. I don't want to be filling out forms as I come in screaming, huffing and puffing while my water breaking creating a puddle in the middle of the hospital's lobby.

So, as I was filling out my personal particulars on the second form, the receptionist pointed out that this particular form is for Bumpkin's registration, and that I should write "Mother" where the form asks for the relationship to person above.

MOTHER

Mah-ther

Me... a mother.

Who have been "housing" Bumpkin for the past 8 months? Me
Who will Bumpkin come out from? Me
Who will Bumpkin turn to when she's hungry? Me.

The above and many more; are reasons why I will officially become a mother.

MOTHER.

Am.I.ready?
God.help.me.I.am.so.scared.

That's quite a jump from being a preggo lady.

-pinching-myself-L

Glory.. glory!

Homer and I have been kindly invited to a birthday slash buka puasa soiree yesterday and came back with our own potted plants (plus a bonus of one of the fabulous table centerpieces). I’ve been told that the plant is called morning glory, and since I’m neither a gardener nor a plant-friendly person, I’ll take their word for it. And all these while, I thought Morning Glory is the English word for kangkung (all thanks to Coca’s Steamboat restaurant veggie menu)

Of course Homer now is so gung-ho about his plant and has made it his life mission to nourish, water and nurse his little potty morning glory like his own little offspring. He claims this is one way of honing his fatherhood skills.

This morning, I saw him going to our kitchen window, sprinkling water on those little purple flower buds… *awwwwwwww*

Someone better tell him that taking care of Bumpkin may take a gazillion times more effort than the plant… and that I think my morning glory is looking a little bit better than his..

-competitive-L

Ramadhan

No bonus points for guessing who's not fasting today.

I actually thought of giving it a go, but I only lasted till 9 am. Perhaps I shall refrain from gossiping. Hmm, but that went down the drain when Super Lawyer Gal called 30 minutes ago.

Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan!

-can't-wait-to-buy-food-at-pasar-ramadhan-L

The Shower of Gossip

The intended baby shower for Bumpkin morphed into gossip shower.

It’s no myth, and I’m not going to deny myself one of the many pleasures of being a woh-man. We “update” each other with the latest occurrences of each other’s life and/or other people’s. Homer would’ve given his right arm to be a fly on that wall. He won’t admit it, but he luurrvveess GNN (Girl’s News Network).

From the grapevine, I gathered that the our generation's mid life crisis arrives early.

Hey, what's life if it comes without challenges, right?

Thanks to Mama Mido for orgy-nising the girls, and everyone who came. Loved all the gifts!

Am-so-not-ready-L

Tears for fears...

Being pregnant has its perks.

For example, we’re currently in the middle of renovating the 2nd bedroom, and yesterday, the carpenters came to sort out the built in cabinet and study table. I had to endure the drilling, dust and heat. By the end of the day, I was sticky, irritable and very unhappy with the height of the open shelves and the overall workmanship.

I was close to tears and was on the verge of screaming to the 3 unassuming guys, but instead, I yelled at Homer over the phone. I was afraid that the carpenters are part of some mafia association (cos’ they do look like they belong to one) and since their supervisor whom is my main contact was not there, I thought it’ll be safer for me if I channel my anger to someone who understands how crazy I can get.

I was restless the whole night, roller coaster of emotions (at Homer’s expense), and this morning as the contractors came in to finish their work, I can see their amusement as they see all the yellow post-its all over the work they did yesterday.

As I begin my lecture on how things should be done and how I expect it to look like… tears began to well up .. the next thing I know I was babbling to 3 (really typical Chinese contractor with spiky hair and all) stunned workers on how this was meant to be the happiest room in the house with bright shelves, and soft toys for Bumpkin! I was millimeters away from crying and sobbing like a baby in front of strangers.

*presto*

Everything will be re-done, realigned, replaced .. re-whatever as per instructions by “perempuan mengandung gila”

.. well, as long as it serves to meet the ends..

Perhaps it was just the near tears thing.. I should really take advantage of this.. hehehe…

-manipulative-L

She ain't heavy.. she's my mother!

Sometimes I feel like my mum’s mission of life is to make me feel bad about myself. You see, me and my mum has this intense relationship. We can be the chummiest of friends one minute, and the other we’d be at each other’s throats.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s always been there for me and God knows she makes us laugh with her classic antics. Like her famous Yoko Yoko incident, where she mistakenly used yoko yoko (muscle relaxer roll on ointment) on her underarms instead of her usual deodorant..

But when it comes to criticisms, she is my worst nightmare, especially when it comes to my weight. I know that I am not overly obese, but I did gain some weight after a few years of living on and off as an expat’s wife. And she LOVES egging me on how I need to exercise more, cut down on fatty foods.. yadda, yadda. It doesn’t help that she is paper thin and fits in my clothes that I wore during high school!

The thing is, she only does it to us.. her children. I mean Homer morphed from somewhat lean steak to full fat chunk of beef, and still get praises from my mum on how great he looks! WTF??

Today, I was close to tears when she said I would most likely keep almost 10 kilos after I give birth cos she can’t see me losing that much weight. I’ve only gained 7-8 kilos so far! Then comes the double chin exercise talk and how I have to start doing bicep curls since they’re looking a bit flabby.

I know.. I know.. she means well. Probably one of her mysterious way of saying, “You can lose the weight.. I know you can..” But it drives me nuts.

Note to self, go back to parent’s place ONLY when Homer is with you. At least, Homer will be there to calm your nerves.

-Big-L

Wax on, wax off..

Warning: Do not continue reading if you find bodily hair (in particular, the strip down there) talk offensive and/or distasteful.

The tummy has been growing at a tremendous rate that I didn’t even realize I can no longer see anything below the belly standing up. And so, being the ever vain-pot (more so now that I am preggios), I am in constant aspiration to make everything look good and pretty.

To my dismay, I found myself in a situation where I am unable to take care of myself “down there”. Imagine, without your sense of sight, would you trust yourself with a pair of scissors, maneuvering your way around the valley-of-loooveee?? Even tried using the mirror, but for f*#k’s sake, my hand-eye coordination have been somewhat lacking, especially coming up to my 8th month of pregnancy!

And so, I resorted to calling Homer, who was watching TV. His reaction : Rolling on the floor laughing like a hyena …

Hmmph, I guess I just have to steel myself up, grit my teeth and go for that waxing saloon as suggested by Mama-Mido (formerly known as Brave-Lawyer-Gal).

-beauty-is-pain-L

Girls night out.

Bumpkin's first concert is all about 4 (ahem!) Ladies drooling over hottie Marcell and suave Glenn. What can I say? Marcell, the lean, tattoed guy in black tank top, with moves to match just makes me want to run up to him and plant a big kiss. The only thing stopping me from doing it is how it'll look in case someone decides to take a snapshot of that scene. I can almost see the headline for it, "Crazy Pregnant Woman Mobs Marcell!"

And Glenn almost made me cry when he sang Januari , *sigh* and for all the beautiful performances, I shall forgive him for saying "it's hurt..." (I don't really gel with bad grammar..)

And so finally after recovering from Marcell's wedding photos, by consoling myself with the fact that the wife may not be that pretty underneath all those make up. I decided that it is time to take out the leather whip and get Homer in shape, and perhaps send him for some dance classes? The problem is, what are we going to do with the facial hair? Homer's facial hair growth is a mile apart! Maybe we can pencil them in... Muahahahaha!

-i-am-so-mean-to-homer-L

Is it really Thursday?

Homer's hair stayed put throughout the day and even survived Yanti-soon-to-be-a-Flamenco dancer's birthday do. Yes, all thanks to his new Super Hard hairgel.

So, Homer has really adapted to his schedule in KL, including all the mini breaks during work. You know, those mamak breakfast, coffee-coffee and teh tarik breaks. And moi? Still muddling around, lazing about ... been meaning to clean up my wardrobe, but I've only managed to clear 1 suitcase since coming home.

This "nesting" instinct that all the preggo literature speaks about is a double edged sword. It's been said that you get this urge to just clean up the house in preparation for the baby, but what it fails to elaborate on (at least for me) is that, you have a "vision" of the cleaning process and how it'll look like, but you may not have the energy to actually get to finish the project and end up with piles of clothes strewn across the room, making it more like a tongkang pecah than an organised closet with more space for Homer's clothes.

-arrggghhhh-L!

Is this really a pharmacy?

As I browsed the aisles looking for that specific “item”, I saw Homer motioning to me that he found it.

Our options are as follows –

Hard
Super Hard
Wet
Wet and Hard
Wet and Super Hard

I asked Homer to just pick one because I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

We’ll let you know how this “item” works out tomorrow… hehehehe..

-what-names-will-they-think-of-next-L

Home sweet home..

We’re baaccckkkkkk!!

It’s only been about a week, but everything seems to fall back right on place. That’s the beauty of coming home. Okay, I’m still getting used to the morning traffic (because someone just have to be chauffeured to work..) but give me a week, it’ll all come back to me.

I still haven’t seen all my friends and aunts but I’ve gotten my hands on most of the juicy gossips, that’s what’s important, right??

On the “bump” front, I’m getting mixed responses. My friends (God bless their hearts) says I am looking great with the tummy, my mum on the other hand laughed her head off because she finds the “protrusion” extremely weird and just could not fathom my pregnancy style; i.e. “flaunt it when you’ve got it..” . My brother J, asked me to bellow, “HO,HO,HO..” so he can see if the belly will shake like jelly.

Oh, did anyone catch the National Geographic’s “In the womb” documentary? I did last night, and I’m still having flashbacks on the birth scenes. Homer kept saying, “close your eyes..” but I just couldn’t. Its like a crash scene, you want to look away but you just couldn’t. My eyelids were just glued open, mouth agape....

Oh, Bumpkins… what have we gotten ourselves into???

Well, what comes in must come out right?

-HELP-me-L

We're readyyy..

I thought I had everything planned out. Freeze some bolognaise sauce and spaghetti; as you switch off the fridge the morning they came to pack, take the containers out and let them thaw. Remind the packers to pack the microwave last. (L, you're just SOOOO organized.. pats on back!)

As lunch time approaches, pop the containers in the microwave and voila, you have a nice hot-homecooked meal, without having to leave your house, and racking your brains on what to eat.

Aaaahhh.. can you smell the meat sauce?

WTF????

Those little overzealous packers have packed everything.. including the drawer filled with plastic cutleries and wooden chopsticks .. (yes, I'm one of those who keeps take away cutleries, so sue me!)

It's lunch time, I am hungry .. Do I really have a choice?

I swear, I heard the elves giggling as they see me eating spaghetti with my fingers... Even they had cutleries with them!

Anyhoooo.. We're good to go, everythings packed and we've checked into our favorite hotel, where Homer gets the king of treatments...

We're coming home... and probably having cakes at Alexis tomorrow evening.

-bye-bye-dubaiiiii-L

Help!

Homer and I now live amongst cardboard boxes, styrofoam pieces, bubble wraps and masking tapes.

You'd think we're at least halfway through packing. N-O, sir-reee. We've barely scratched the surface. I'm afraid that I may turn mad tomorrow .. and guess what, Homer's leaving me in the morning to tie up some loose ends with the bank and office.

I suddenly feel sorry for those 4 packers coming tomorrow. Let's hope that they are perfect little elves that are really "the careful movers" as they say they are.

Bloody shit, how the hell did I manage to buy a whole new wardrobe full of preggo clothes? And not forgetting the rest of the stuff that I can no longer fit.

Homer, my dah-ling swee-tie pieeee... I'll be honest okay, we don't have space for your clothes. Yes, even in the 2nd bedroom.

-i-hate-packing-L

Minding my P's

I certainly am not doing my share of water conservation here in the desert. I pee every waking half an hour and at least 3 times during sleep time.

Let see, say I sleep for 8 hours, that means I'm awake 16 hours, and if I use the bathroom every 30 minutes, that's like 32 trips to the toilet! And all the flushes of water... I really should be using our bathroom upstairs.. at least I'll be getting some exercise going up and down the stairs.

Homer just called to say that the car sale has been finalised and he is on the way to hand over the car to its new owner. I didn't even get to say good bye to Jaggie or have one last drive with her.... *sobs*

-jaggie-less-and-pee-a-lot-L

Attack of the Bumpkin

I am officially the punching bag for the baby.

I nearly peed all over the sofa, after receiving a strong blow on the bladder by none other than Bumpkin. It's amazing how a tiny person can cause so much trouble.. and she's not even out yet..

I wonder if babies in the tummies has some sort of manual to prepare them for the outside world. You know, how parents-to-be reads books like, "What to expect when you're expecting" .. Babies would have "What to expect when you're expected", which in my wild imagination, it is downloaded somewhat telepathically straight to their brains.

An example of one entry would be something like this..

....Your ears are fully developed, so you'll start to hear a lot of muffled sounds, especially the sound of your host's voice. Sometimes it may be really loud, experts believe that it may be due to the fact the host is not getting what she wants and feeling irritated with her partner. But not to worry, your host will eventually get her way and you'll be back to hearing her soothing voice...

-the-host-L

10,9,8.....

7 days to go in this desert cosmopolitan city before we pack up and say toodles and make our way back home to KL.

We haven’t been here long, well, less for me since I go in and out of the country so often. Still it’s going to be hard saying goodbyes to the people around us, especially to my “tai-tai” routine.

The packers are coming in 1st September.. hmm, more people for me to dictate.. I’ll have so much power that day! Normally, I’d only have Homer to boss around. Well one last hurrah for the queen.

We’re looking forward to do some big league shopping before we ship our stuff, but looks like it ain’t happening, thanks to our - let’s live our lives to the fullest in our temporary sand box. *sigh* Kiss buh-bye to Chanel bags and plasma TV (for Homer).

That’s the price we have to pay …. Something’s gotta give right? Ah well, it’s not like I am bag-less and that Homer is devoid of techie gadgets..

-we’ll-have-a-new-toy-in-3-months-L

My emancipation..

I have a confession. I have this thing with Mariah Carey. Yes, Mariah Carey. There’s just something about her, her songs .. yadda yadda. As usual, I do have issues with her, like how she carries herself and her overly dramatic sequence in her concerts. Giant teddy bears, skimpy nighties (huh?) plus, I don’t care for some of her albums but her latest single, We Belong Together, is haunting me. When I first heard it, I played it in the car (repeatedly) until I get all the words right. I believe Homer secretly can sing along to this song by now.

I think I can even sing the remix, yes the really fast one.. of course not EXACTLY like her, are you kidding me?? *sigh* If only I can carry a tune like her.

Oh.. Did you all notice how you don’t know whether she’s slim or overly curvaceous? I mean what is up with that?? Could it be the magic of airbrush?

I don’t know what is up with this entry.. first, I praise then I vent.. See, I told you I have this thing with Mariah Carey.

-hormones-alert-L

What did you stare at today?

I spent a good, half a day staring at my bump. At 25 weeks, Bumpkin’s movements are getting stronger, and my belly vibrates, shakes and does things I’ve never dreamt it could.

It is also more hairy (wtf??). Are the oils fuelling the growth of body hairs?? Or does the light massage encourage the hair to grow longer and stronger?

Come to think of it, the hair on my arms are getting darker too. God, I'm reversing Darwin's theory of evolution ..

Breast on tummy and more bodily hair .. So if I color myself orange ...

Should I check out if there's any opening at the Zoo?

-raw-animal-magnetism-L

Bring it on!

I realized that I’ve been writing about being pregnant too much and nothing on current going ons or stuff about life in general. I do wish I can but everyday, I am reminded that my life is about to change forever.

My life is now preparing itself to take a turn, gearing up for the next challenge.

I have an analogy on life – and now, I am preparing to face the rough seas with baby on board our small boat.

Can I keep this precious cargo dry? I can’t seem to keep it dry when brushing my teeth, bumpkin’s getting big and now rests closely to the sink.. getting all the water splashes.

-wet-patch-on-tummy-L

Mall rat.

Sometimes I scare myself with the amount of junk shopping I do. This is what happens when you stay in a place where sands and shops are in abundance. I do try to fill up my time with healthy activities, like yoga, spend more time working, I even stopped calling the maid service and did the house cleaning myself! (Bitchy or what????)

Still, you HAVE to get out .. And so I fell into the “scaling the mall” trap. Walking in and out of retail shops, trailing my hands on the never ending plastic hangers (wooden hangers when in classy boutiques..) where clothes I can’t really fit into hangs ever so delicately. And sometimes in moments of clumsiness, I would be the cause for the slinky items to cascade down to the floor.. Ah, well… in my condition, you wouldn’t expect me to bend and pick it up, right?? (Again… bitchy selfishness that’s allowed when you’re with child.. heheh)

Wonder what sales staff was thinking when they see me browsing through MNG and similar stores? Hey.. I can still carry off some of the outfits okay.. (Major bitchy-ness in denial..)

And to prove it, I bought a skirt from Forever 21 yesterday… (in large, of course)

-wearing-a-skirt-minimises-the-friction-of-thighs-in tight-pants-L

One piece or 2 piece?

This shopping for a swimming suit is tougher than I anticipated. Tried Mothercare, yikes! Horizontal stripes on a hippo look a like.. I don’t think so. I must have tried on 15 suits yesterday, and trust me, when you have a tummy and trying on swimming suits, its no fun in the sun (come to think of it, it’s no fun when you’re not pregnant either..heheh)

And the looks I get from the sales assistants….

Saw a picture of Britney Spears in a bikini and thought, do I dare? Can I get away with it? I think NOT.. especially when I get back to KL. I can see a little note on the condo’s notice board –

Baby hippo pool lap time, 8.30 am – 9.00 am*. Come and join the splash if you dare!

*Time may change according to hippo’s mood.

-hip-hip-hippo-L

Hows' your boobies?

Don't complain about your Monday unless your boobs rests on your tummy.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen..

My boobs have now reached and settled on my tummy or Homer-afraid-to-tell-it-as-it-is likes to think of it as my tummy has grown and stretched itself outwards (and upwards) to help support the breasts.

Don't get me started on the nipples.

-a-little-bit-cranky-L

Shopaholic L

The past week, I wasn’t my usual self. Feeling a little bit depressed over various reasons; getting bigger, 3 inches of hair roots showing, the constant heat, high humidity, more hormonal changes, not so good news from home, Homer’s company’s indecisiveness over his transfer, pharaoh’s descendents kidnap attempt of Super Lawyer Gal.. yadda-yadda..

I was depressed to the point where I had stopped shopping.. Yes, to my bank account’s delight (and Homer), it managed to rest in inactive mode for a whole week!

But yesterday, with a single wonderful phone call, I’m cured. And jumpstarted el-visa-card. I drove to 2 malls on both sides of Dubai, and went crazy.

Since we still do not know what’s happening on the moving front, I postponed my short business trip back to KL. Which means that I’m going to miss my cousin’s wedding. Dang! It’ll be great to hear all the family gossips from all my makciks… and of course hear their comments on how BIG I’ve become (hey, that’s good news for me! Yay!).

Am bugging Homer to go for a short break instead. There’s a promotion going on for a desert resort not far from where we stay.. Bab-Al-Shams, it’s gonna be hot but I intend to stay in the pool, and make full use of the spa. A little support here people!!

-swimming-suit-shopping-L

Putting my best feet forward..

My relatively tiny feet.. that is.

God.. This picture reminds me of something ..

Go-dzzi-raaaaaaaaaa!!! (GODZILLAAAAAAAAA!!!).

-feeling-gigantic-L

Is it really Friday??

Apparently, the pharaoh’s descendents loves Super-Lawyer-Gal so much that they kept her on their plant tour a little too long and caused her to miss her all important flight to see me, buncit-L!

I was so looking forward to her short visit, getting her input on what we should get here, and most importantly which jeans I should get! Homer’s a great shopping partner, but nothing beats the opinion of formerly preggio person who knows which type of pants will fully accommodate the needs of a cranky, growing tummy woman.

Well, what to do… Homer will have to do for today.. (D’oh!)

-stuffing-yummy-frozen-grapes-as-candy-substitutes-L

Time is ticking..

Things has been a little bit topsy turvy lately. Homer is concerned with his position here in Dubai and how there’s not much room for him to grow career wise. Meanwhile, I have a million things to do to ensure the success of a new venture here. Then comes the bomb – people back home wants Homer to come back and take up a new position, and typical for people in this company, we may have as little as 2 weeks to pack up and leave.

Alamak! My boss is going to kill me.. first I drop the news that I want to move to Dubai, then the preggios news and now, I may be leaving Dubai right smack in the middle of sensitive negotiations…

On one hand, I’m thrilled to be delivering the baby back home and having all the support I need from my family, friends and the makcik urut, but on the other hand, I’m kind of disappointed that I’ll be leaving my so called expatriate’s wives life and a handful of new friends here.

Packing will be hell.

*sigh*

I really have to stop whining.. after all, life’s been very good to me.

Tomorrow, Super-Lawyer-Gal might drop by, if she can cut her Cairo trip short. Can’t wait to goss till we drop.

-enjoying-it-while-it-lasts-L

What does it mean??

Homer told me about his dream last night.

We are taking a family photo and Homer was carrying our baby. I was standing next to him. (No, he can’t recall who snapped the picture, maybe we used the free mini tripod that came with the “i-bought-something-for-the-baby-that-turned-out-to-be-a-camera-for-him”)

As we looked at how the photo turned out, the baby was double.. DOUBLE my size.

Possible interpretations..

1. I’m going to give birth to a 10 pound baby … yikes!
2. Homer is REALLY trying to justify his latest purchase as "something for the baby".

And my favorite interpretation for this dream

3. I’ll lose all the weight I’ve gained.. that’s why I turned out so small in the picture..


-feeling-so-big-L

His and hers definition of..

“I bought something for the baby”

What I bought:
- Denim pinafore with butterfly details and matching pink bodysuit.
- 2 pack sporty jogger pants
- 2 pack newborn t-shirt
- Distressed cropped jeans
- 2 pack sleepsuit

Reason: I just couldn’t resist the sale at Next!! 50% off!!

What Homer bought:
- A new digital camera (and not even one of those small compact ones)

Reason: It had the best reviews!!

Think Homer meant the big baby in him.

-guess-who’s-checking-the-next-sale-again?-L

Alone?

All byyyyy myyyyyssseeellff
Don’t wanna live.. all byyyyy mmyyyyselffff anymooooooorrree

Remember that scene from Bridget Jones? Sad, but in my case, take it up 10 notches merrier. Confused? Yeah, me too. How can I explain this.. It’s kinda nice to be alone once in a while. The drive back from the airport was heartbreaking, then I just had the worst bout of vomiting and only slept at 2 am.

Then came the morning wake up call from Homer-in-need-of-paternity-clothes, and I’m reminded that I am left to my own devices for the next 2 days..

Am by myself in Dubai.. *shriek!!*
I have the car at my disposal but most importantly, guilt-ridden-and-needing-paternity-clothes Homer has left his cash card to ME ..

The plan is to go out towards the evening so I can exhaustively walk up and down the mall and be ready for a good night’s sleep.

…

Just realized one gigantic loophole, Homer failed to mention where I can find his banks’ ATM cash point. Aaaarrgghhhhhh…….

-forgot-about-the-bump-so-actually-not-so-alone-L

Cute boys says the darndest thing.

I was just reading the better half of the M&M couple’s email and could not believe the last bit of her message. Their cutie Haziq, upon seeing a picture of Candace Bushnell (of the famous Sex and the City writer), said “Mommy look .. Aunty L!” God bless him and his big head, he really does have one! (or maybe it was his small necked t-shirt?).

And for that, he will be forever in my good books and my approval if he ever takes my (yet unborn and hopefully) daughter out on a date.. heheheh..

Talking about my good books, Homer, at present has done it yet again. Is it so difficult to listen to your self proclaimed fashionista wife when it comes to which suit/shirt/pants to buy?? Have I ever failed him when it comes to his wardrobe? NO! So if I say, I think you should get a bigger size… you listen, I only want the best for you. And I may save you from embarrassing fat bulges and accidental rips in your all important interview.

Anyway, thanks Haziq, for making my day..

-feeling-pretty-L

We did it!!

We bought our first baby item.

We’ve been talking about this for the past 2 weeks, it is still very premature for us to get the stroller, but I am sooo in love with it that I just had to get it out of my system. For goodness sakes, the baby won’t be able to use till she’s at least 6 months, still we decided to get it since we both can’t seem to get the little traveling machine out of our minds.

Alright, we’re getting the car seat that can be mounted on the stroller frame next week, so we can use it from birth, but STILL that’s 4 months away!

Yet again, I pushed the stroller round and round the shop while Homer worked out the technical part of its assembly with the staff. In hindsight, I look like a cuckoo lady pushing an empty stroller around the store.

When we reached home I told Homer to pack the stroller nicely in its box and seal it off. I was afraid that I will start taking the stroller out and pushing it around, way before its time.

I do believe that I’m way in over my head with this baby stuff. Need to slow down, but I just can’t help myself. I’ve always been on the other side, you know, the one who’s not pregnant, the one who just got married, the one in a relationship (bad or otherwise), the one who’s happily single …

And look at me now, tummy showing, baby moving within, (empty) stroller pushing woman. My.. my.. look how I've turned out.


-Mebbe-Homer-should-hide-the-box-L

The silent scream..

Perhaps it’s the color I was wearing, perhaps it’s the extra glow or perhaps it’s because I’ve been rather mean to Homer all these while, many guessed that we’re expecting a boy..

Well what can I say .. except that the power of me (and the technician’s educated guess) may (will?) over rule all speculations. Ah, well.. irregardless, this stuff is never 100% certain. And it doesn’t really matter whether we’re getting pink or blue blankets .. as long as the baby’s healthy. But, girly stuff is becoming so irresistible…

Moving on, I did the unthinkable… No it’s not what you think, I did something that kinda shocked Homer for a whole 2 minutes! Ready? I ripped his already thoroughly worn undies. Yes, you heard it right, I tore his favorite underwear.

I told him many times to throw his comfy undie away, so while folding laundry last night, I was so irritated with that one grey underwear, that I just started nagging and after a few minutes I snapped; and ripped it with my bare hands!!

If I could frame that particular Homer moment, it’ll creepily look something like “The Scream”.




I can never understand the bond between a man and his favorite underwear, I suppose it’s similar to a child with his blankie (or bantal busuk). After his fantastic impersonation of Edvard Munch’s Scream; he proceeded to take the ripped undie, wore it and paraded a-la-Chippendale.

Lesson sorely learned. NEVER EVER destroy your loved ones favorite clothing item; especially underwear.

-still-having-nightmares-L

You ready for the tummy?

Yesterday, as I lay down watching the monitor, I was in complete awe. We saw the four ventricles of the heart... the baby's heart!! Everything after that swished by.. feet, legs, arms, hands, fingers, brain, umbilical cord .. I had a hard time making out what was what.. and secretly hoped that this would not affect my ability to be a good mother.

And then came the best news, "everything looks great L .. would you like to know the baby's sex?"

Yes.. (are you kidding me?? of course!!)

Looks like you're going to have a baby ................

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm halfway through now and one thing I noticed about me is that I look more pregnant towards the evening.

Here's a snap of me getting my cardio workout for the day.. *flick, flick and flick some more!*

-huff-puff-L

The butterfly effect..

Tell me what’s wrong with this picture.

The TV switched on to “E” Channel, with a program that shows how the young Hollywood stars are mysteriously “thinning” with strict diet regime and exercise. Then the host kept on talking about how “we” – the public; can slink into the skimpiest outfit for the summer in just 10 days!

While seriously watching the whole show, a woman heartily eats Maggie goreng (fried instant noodles), like there’s no tomorrow.

Absolutely nothing.

I am pregnant so I am allowed to eat whatever I want (I just have the craving for Maggie mee nowadays so sue me!)

I know I am supposed to eat healthily, iron intake, calcium, protein, all the vitamins in the world, etc. I DO try. But I can’t control these salty urges. All this is just so new to me, and I’m kind of overwhelmed.

I’ve been reading a lot on being pregnant, and so the highlight of this week is that I should be able to feel the movement of the baby. They say it’ll feel like flutter of butterflies in the stomach.

The problem is, I have no idea how that is supposed to feel like. It’s all relative isn’t it? A flutter of butterflies could be jabs of the third kind for all I care! Homer is convinced that some of the weird “activities” that I’ve felt was the baby. I on the hand, am more skeptical, with my luck, it could just be gas.

So, for those who’ve been through pregnancy, some enlightenment please?

-so-much-activity-in-the-tummy-L

The only great time to have ..

A protruding tummy.

On the fashion frontline, this is a good, nay .. make it the best time to be part of the preggios front. The sight of a pregnant bellied woman in a tight top is no longer considered offensive or inappropriate; in fact, a pregnant woman’s body has now finally found its place where it truly belong. True magnificence where life begins and kept safe until the baby is ready to come out to the world. I mean, see how great these celebrities look!

Alright .. in all seriousness, yes, I agree 110% with what I’ve just said but if truth be told.. it’s really tough living with yourself while your body goes through all the changes it needs to accommodate your bundle of joy.

First, you suddenly realized that your pants just don’t fit right anymore and you’re not sure whether its your thundering thighs or your damn hips. Next, there’s that gap between the darn top 2 buttons of your shirt, and trying to pin it up just makes it look like you are falsely imprisoning your best buddies. Then, all hell breaks loose. You no longer recognize your body, what with the expanding hips, belly jutting out, darkening of the areolas, innie becomes outie …

It’s very much IN today, to have your pictures taken; in all the glories of imminent motherhood. Since my tummy has now, as what the experts identify as “popped out” (in other words – showing lah), Homer, the self acclaimed photography genius thought that we should take pictures too, so we can see how I develop in the next 4 months. Who knows? Maybe we’d post it in the blog, I mean I ain’t that BAD looking and everyone has been saying how radiant I look now.

Well, well, turns out that they are either; all great in telling outright lies! Or as Homer puts it, “our camera doesn’t have the right speed exposure / not able to capture / the lighting is just not right / I just can’t find the right angle”. Bah! Not in a million years would I ever allow the pictures to be posted. Snap a photo of Mrs Potato Head – voila! That’s it ..

However does Britney Spears get away looking great with all the paparazzi snapping away?? A good friend of mine, Madam Luxury is one of those people that looks great throughout her pregnancy. I saw her just last month and she looked like she just popped in a volleyball in her shirt! With one month to go, she’s truly an inspiration, if she can do it so can I! And if all else fails, I have an ever loving magic talking mirror that has nothing but WONDERFUL things to say about me in the form of Homer to help me start and end the day.

-smack-me-if-you-see-me-in-those-tent-like-dress-L

Tips on surviving..

.... Dubai in the summer

1. Drink lots of fluids – When I say fluids, I mean water… chilled H2O! Not lattes or teas or carbonated drinks.

2. If you wear glasses, like Homer, take your spectacles off whenever you go outside. If not, your glasses will fog up and you may risk falling down and looking like an idiot with fogged up lenses. Contact lenses are a good solution for this.

3. If you’re planning to make sunglasses a permanent fixture on your face during the day, rule #2 applies. Slide it off your face till the mist on the lenses wears off. Trust me, it is OKAY to be exposed to bright sun for 10 seconds.

4. Have a lip balm handy. For the guys who think this borderlines as an act of sissyness, imagine this – dry, cracked and chapped (maybe even bloody) lips; no one wants them! Homer personally recommends the Vaseline petroleum gel that comes in small tubes, and not lipstick-like in any manner. Can be handy in other occasions too…

5. Be prepared for a soothing butt-cial (like facial, but on your derrier..) when you enter any public restroom (including the ones in the mall). The water in the toilet bowl are not temperature treated, and comes directly from water containers which are mostly located on the roof of the building. With temperatures raising above 40 degrees, your derrier will have their own mini-sauna treatment.

6. Still on the topic of restroom, for those who make use of the bidet, utilize them with caution. Fast jetsprays of hot water on the nether region can .. how shall I put this nicely .. Sort of a “blanching” effect.

7. The heat and humidity can be overwhelming, but remember to keep on breathing. Inhale, exhale .. Your body still needs oxygen, even when it feels like its going to evaporate all your bodily fluids.


-and-this-is-only-the-beginning-L

Looking for better days ahead..

Yesterday, I was shaken with the news of the London blasts.. we were on our way to
city centre for some window shopping when we heard it over the radio. Dubai’s population are predominantly expats and many from the UK, in fact the one of the deejay on duty sounded so shaken he actually excused himself so that he can make some phone calls to check on his family.. I was near tears, perhaps it was the hormones, perhaps it’s the wonderment of what has our world turned into?

A dear friend stays smack in central London with his lovely and kind wife, and I was frantic to find out how they were. Called B-L-G, who had no idea what had happened and after 30 minutes or so, was relieved to receive a text message confirming that they are both safe and sound.

Feeling better, we went on with our shopping research for strollers.. I know its wayyyyyy too early (as Entrepreneurina had clearly pointed out) but we can’t help it!!! We’ve been eyeing this stroller around Dubai, and it looks so sleek! We spent hours in the shop pushing it around, folding and unfolding it… Goes to show how easy it is to make me bounce back to my cheerful positive self!

This entry may be borderline insensitive to the somber episodes in London, but as I watched the BBC news, I am encouraged to see how resilient Londoners are, not allowing fear to take over, focusing on how to keep on moving forward. My hats off to everyone over there, who has courageously taken their first steps to resume their normal lives.

To my fellow blogger friends in London, hope that all of you are safe and well. And remember, a smile goes a long way.

-keeping-positive-L

19 weeks and counting..

If the doctor’s count is correct, I am coming up to the beginning of my 19 weeks of preggios. According to BabyCentre, head to bottom, the baby is approximately 6 inches long (about the length of a small zucchini). Being the ignorant produce person, I am in limbo on how a zucchini should look like, or is zucchini the same with a cucumber? Aren’t they from the same family? And if so, why can’t they just say the length of a small cucumber instead? But then, size is relative, so a small zucchini for them could be medium sized for me!

Six inches long, hmmm.. I was brought up by the metric system, so again, this was a little bit confusing for me too. But I can make an intelligent guess on this, I normally wear 3 inch heels, so double that.. whooaa!! Quite a length, but what about the width? Which brings me back to the zucchini.. 6 inch zucchini.. I don’t know about the rest of you out there, but if there is no mention in the beginning of this entry on being preggios… This section sounds very dodgy.

Why can’t the website use something more universal for this? Somewhere in the line of bags or purses perhaps? I mean, how well do you know your vegetables? And really, zucchini is not particularly recognized by many people! Cucumber, yes, but not zucchini!

Now, bags… that's something that I can identify with, plus it has various depths and widths. For example, they can say the following (which will probably make sense to many preggios out there)-

At 19 weeks, your baby is approximately the size of the mini Murukami LV bag or the small Louise Vuitton pochette.

I rest my case.

Not only will I understand that statement, but it is also refreshing! And for the ladies and gents who are not quite sure what it looks like, simply go to the store. Who knows? With some little bats of those eyelashes, and rubbing of tummy, preggios may walk out with a handy pochette!!

Can’t wait till the baby gets bigger… ( .. and so does the bags… Muahahaha!)

-bag-lady-L

Huh?

Super Lawyer Gal is right on the nose on this, as the pregnancy progresses, you become more absent minded, forgetful, you become a scatterbrain. In short, I have become a bimbo, a tummy protruding BIMBO that badly needs to touch up her blonde highlights.

Last night, the biggest concert ever was held in various countries to lobby the G8 leaders to erase the debt of the African countries in hope to eradicate poverty. While watching the live performances from one venue to another, my mind raced to start an intelligent conversation, perhaps start a first-class discussion with Homer then possibly write a thought provoking entry for the blog that has so far been very much light in its contents.

Nope, nada, habuk pun tarak..

These are some of the things that came out from yours truly.

- You know what? Only Snoop Dog can get away having his hair done up in pigtails, braided and tied with those bubbles hair bands.

- Wow.. Simon LeBon looks so old.

- Will Smith is HOT! (shamelessly imitating Paris Hilton)

- What’s up with Tim McGraw's jeans? Doesn’t he know that jeans worn up to the navel is OUT?

- I wonder if we can see Mr. Shellman’s apartment? (when they were showing a bird’s eye view of the Hyde Park concert.)

- Gosh.. Michelle (Destiny’s Child) looks so thin…. *benci*

- If I had money like Madonna, I’m sure I can look as great as she does! Damn those arms!!

- OOoohhh… Josh (Groban)… *followed by sobs*

- Mana Mariah Carey niiii??? Did I miss her?

The next thing I knew Homer tapped me on my shoulder telling me it’s time for bed, and I groggily walked upstairs and continued my Zzzzzzz’s.

Have I lost the ability to carry on meaningful exchanges? Well, not entirely, I’m saving those precious brainworks for business.

-all-is-not-entirely-lost-L

As good as it gets..

Alright, so I am married to Homer for 3 years now, plus a year of “courting”.. a total of 4 years now I have been exposed to Homer“isms”. Give and take 2 years of long distance relationship (before and after the wedding), I’d say he has completely let down his guards when he’s around me, or as he puts it, showing the “real” Homer. Although you can never really be too sure when it comes to guys (or girls for that matter), anything can happen, right????

I’ve seen him doing the most stupid things, like showing off his “muscles” (more like jiggling his wobbly one-pack-belly) in front of the mirror and then turn to me and say, “ you want this???” in the most perverted way you can imagine (this happens on a regular basis), to suddenly breaking into some dance moves (he ain’t no Travolta) while getting some drinks from the fridge (in his underwear, mind you, and STILL on a regular basis).

At times he would talk to himself about how good he looked (or so he thinks) that day and how well he handles a certain situation. He gets this intense expression on his face whenever he plays the Xbox (which finally came after nearly 10 months in Iranian packing company limbo), and cursing the characters that didn’t die even though he had pressed the green button a zillion times. I’m still waiting for his drool to come out during these tense moments…

The other day I had the chance to see him proffesionally in one of his work presentations (saw the clip from his laptop.. ha-ha! Don’t ever think that this little missus can’t access your computer!) . I can see how he can be a pain. During Q & A, he kept saying, “ee-zactly.. ee-zactly..” whenever he meant yes and interjected “UN-derstood.. UN-derstood..” after each question. Haiyoh!

Sometimes I wonder if we’re really ready for the next challenge.. Well, at least we have the best of each other to work with, and that can’t be bad.

-not-perfect-as-well-L

Hot and sticky

I’m back in Dubai, right smack when the weather gets really warm and humid. That’s the reason why you all back in KL see an influx of the Arabs, they’re running away from the hot and sticky weather! Today, it’s supposed to be 41 degrees centigrade with 85% humidity. Imagine being in a very badly ventilated basement car park, double the heat… That’s exactly how I feel every time we leave the house.

And guess what? It is ONLY the beginning of summer…

On the upside, the Dubai Summer Surprise is here! Shopping report coming up as soon as I can brave the weather. Anyone for some tanning and sauna????


-feeling-hot-hot-hot!-L

Happy Anniversary!

Yesterday we hit the 3 year mark, yes, 3 years ago Homer confidently pronounced, “Aku terima nikah … yada, yada .. lapan puluh ringgit, tunai.” .

I can’t believe it’s been 3 years already. It just feels like yesterday, I saw him grinning ear to ear after saying the nikah vows at one go, hence sealing his membership of “The One Shot Club” (lame ain’t it??).

We celebrated with California Pizza Kitchen take away on our funky plates, illuminated by 2 candles. I had my comfortable shorts and tank top on while Homer had the same thing on…. haha.. he wore his t-shirt actually. Him wearing the tank top would have spoiled dinner..

We adjourned 3 steps away from the dining area into our living room and spent the night watching CSI Las Vegas and channel V.

And guess what? I did not hang my head over the toilet bowl last night.

Bliss. Happiness is knowing you can be on cloud nine with minimal effort.

-itchy-tummy-L

Wanna be my punching bag?

In any pregnancy literature, you will definitely come across references on cravings or yearning for certain types of food. Like pickles and ice cream (?) for the mat sallehs and jeruks and assam boi for us locals.

With all the hormonal changes that is wreaking havoc through the system, pregnant woman often craves (or even aversion) for certain types of food, have heightened sense of smell, acute awareness of (ahem!) female instinct .. yada, yada.

But what they failed to highlight (at least in my case) is that I have this strong itch to smack my hands across Homer’s face. Yes! One of those Alexis-tight slapping action that will throw Homer off his balance.

I know it’s wrong to hurt anyone, but that, ladies and gentlemen, has been my craving for the past few weeks. We have discussed this “topic” many times, much to Homer’s alarm. Being the supportive hubby he is, he always said that I can take it out on him… And I’d sometimes plant my hands on his cheeks, NEVER full force though cos’ he screams like a girl whenever I raise my hands.

Last night, while watching a movie that featured infidelity, I just couldn’t control myself (remember, I AM emotionally charged). With Homer’s guard completely down, I gave him a sharp kick and pinched him like I never did before, with a couple of slaps here and there. His expression changed from shocked, bewildered and finally comical. What did he do after my mini rage burst?

Chuckling and giggling… “Puas? Happy?”, He asked.

Perhaps I should enroll myself in anger management class.


-not-really-“puas”-L

The things we do...

Working from home gives me the opportunity of being in my jammies, watch TV and read my mails, all at the same time. Excellent! Cue air guitar action ala Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

I’m watching Discovery channel as I write this, the Science of Star Wars – how the Jedi’s way are similar to the disciples of the Shaolin temple. A scene caught my attention, I realized that the Shaolin monks “poses” as they run out of the temple. You know what I mean.. “eagle-ish” and “ultraman” hand movements as they jump out of the entrance into the temple’s courtyard.

Stylish and intimidating at the same time, I have to say.

Why don’t we start doing it? Every time we leave the house, strike a pose. I dared Homer to start.

******************************

I take it back, we should NEVER strike pose.. or at least Homer and I should NEVER do it. If you resemble a 6 foot grizzly bear or 16 weeks pregnant, shaolin poses is NOT the look you want to go for.

-striking-a-pose-L

note: Homer humored me with an ultraman pose as he went down to take something from the car… *wiping tears*.. reason #683 why I married this guy.

Of barfing and tummy expansion

For the past two months, every night, without fail, I will find my head hanging over the toilet bowl. Staring down on the muck of pottage, I’m beginning to wonder when my (evening) sickness will stop.. It’s tough, and my face resembles the color of a cooked lobster afterwards.

Being the drama queen that I am, the thought of suffering from an eating disorder have crossed my mind.. I mean, barfing out everything you ate each and every night is unnatural, especially when they’re really good food. But after browsing through the latest Us Weekly, and seeing pictures of Nicole Ritchie and Lindsay Lohan, I have come up with the conclusion that - I am NOT “suffering” from anorexia or any other form of eating disorder.

You’ll understand if you can just see how I am now. I look nothing like them. (Haha! What was I thinking??)

And so, I just have to accept that I may suffer from my morning sickness throughout the pregnancy. On a more pleasant note, I think I’m beginning to embrace my tiny bump. In fact, Homer and I have been comparing the size of our tummies. Homer, of course, is still the clear winner.

-1st-runner-up-L

Who’s afraid of little ol’ me??

I love jumping on and scaring the bejeezus out of Homer. This morning, I had the perfect opportunity. He was about to finish his shower, so I decided to wait quietly next to the bathroom door, ready to pounce on him as he gets out.

I fluffed some pillows and hid it under the covers, hence creating the illusion that I was still asleep. Tip toed across the room and waited by the door. I was waiting for a quite a while… (Homer is one those guys that takes longer than girls to get ready) ..

Then I realized that he could see my reflection on the mirrors that lines up against the adjacent wall! Damn those mirrors.. I crouched down, hoping that the bed’s reflection can cover mine. So, there I was, a-la crouching tiger, hidden dragon, waiting for Homer to open the door.

He opened the door, calling me to wake up. I can tell that he’s putting gel on his hair.. well, it’s either that or he was admiring his own reflection.. creepy, I know… A few minutes passed, finally, he stepped out of the bathroom, calling for me.. Uhh, he still hasn’t seen me crouching down next to him..

Hihihihihihi..

I reached out my hands…

HWAARGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!! What the f*#k are you doing????, he roared.

Me, rolling on the floor… Trust me, he was completely white, nothing funnier than seeing my Homer jumping out of his skin..

Picture this - I was wearing black tank top and black shorts, my long (and nicely blown from my salon trip yesterday) hair let down, on the floor with my arms arms outstretched to him… a scene right out of a Japanese scary movie… Muahahaha.. I am BAD.

The best thing is this – I can do it to him, but he can’t do it to me. This is my screwed up definition of marriage… MUAHAHA! *evil laugh continues*

-13-is-31-backwards-L

Is it really over?

Yes it is.

Woke up this morning to the sound of traffic instead of waves. A clear and sure sign that the vacation is indeed over. KK was fantastic, the mountains, the beaches .. and the wedding was beautiful. To Mr. and Missus Shellman, congratulations and get ready for a fantastic ride!


**************


Yes it is.

I am officially over the age of 30. So far so good. I suppose when you’ve already hit the big 3-0 mark, you don’t really care about the number that comes after it. So really, turning 31 is not so bad. After all. I did get to blow my candles twice, once at KK and another one in KL.. celebrations in 2 cities.. beat that!

The best thing was, the polaroid picture of me blowing the candle looks GGOOOD.. I still got it!!


-girl-with-a-mini-bump-L

The Land Beneath The Wind

Being married to Homer is beginning to pay off. We have an AMAZING suite! Huge balcony, which will easily accomodate a party for 20..not that we're gonna have one. Bathroom fit for the King and Queen (of course..). Living and dining area, mini office with FREE high speed connection, outside dining area facing the beach... aaahhh...THIS is the life ..

All thanks to Homer's long stay in Shangri La Dubai, he gets free upgrades!! Moral of the story is - it pays to be loyal.

Gotta go, Homer's running the bath... I hope he puts in the nice bath salts.

-having-second-thoughts-on-moving-hotel-L

Feelin' Lo..

I’m totally not prepared for the Kota Kinabalu trip, I know my bloody problems are miniscule compared to all the problems of the world but I can’t help reflecting on the fact I am not 100% all the time.. *sigh* . Someone, please, snap me out of this. I’m fretting over the fact that I can’t fit in my kain baju kurung, and that I don’t have the perfect sarong wrap to match my tops…

God Almighty! I AM SELFISH!!!

I seriously need to talk to someone about this..

Thank God I’m seeing Brave Lawyer Gal today.. She should be able to put head on straight.

Homer’s coming home today and the house is in a mess again.. Damn! I need to buy a giant box to stuff all the junk that has been lying around the place. Wish I could put my f*#king insecurities in a box too.

-perhaps-it’s-the-nicotine-withdrawal-L

To burst or not to burst..

I truly think that Bo Bice and Carrie Underwood should consider starting a little somethin’-somethin’ . They look GREAT together… don’ cha think????

.. She’s a little bit country .. He’s little bit rock and roll ..

And with that, ladies and gentleman, I have officially morphed into one of those ladies that thinks they know whom other people should be with. A “real” makcik.

Speaking of being a makcik, I can’t believe it’s Friday again! Ever notice how time fly as we “mature”? Subby Hubby is taking me to a fancy dinner tonight and I still can’t decide what to wear. Seriously, I can’t fit in almost all of my fancy dresses, and I doubt wearing sweat pants and sports bra will go well with his fancy pinstripe suit..

There is something in the closet that might just work, I just need to make sure my “twins” will not burst the seams.. ooops!

-bustilicious-L

Anti-what?

And so... Homer has finally announced that he is taking a break. A break from blogging, that is. Between his additional responsilibities at work and coping with the 10 headed monsterina formerly know as his wife, I doubt that he has the energy and time to be “Homer”.

For those who will miss him (there’s quite a few, I tell ya), I’d still be writing stuff about him, his mishaps/mistakes/etc. And freely too.. he can't bash me back!

On other news, we’re entering the “busy” period.. busy celebrating birthdays (and anniversaries). It all began with Homer’s birthday, which is just last week! He can be such a baby .. Whining on how I didn’t call him first thing in the morning. For goodness sake, I sang Happy Birthday to him at the stroke of midnight, on the eve of his birthday!!! *sigh* Let’s just hope he’ll pull himself together when the baby arrives…

The following weeks will be followed with all the Gemini girls.. We’ll be celebrating birthdays left and right. Brave Lawyer Gal just turned 31, and so will Super Lawyer Gal… And then it will be .. mine… Aieeeee!!!!!

Thirty One .. Ah yes.. That time when you realize that all your beauty products have either the word “anti aging”, “anti wrinkle” .. “anti anything”. I’ll keep you updated on which cream works..

-La-La-L

3 months!

Apparently I am 12 weeks pregnant, not 14 weeks as calculated by the doctor in Dubai. That made more sense.. heheh, if you know what I mean..

It's been very educational, so far I have learned that-

1. I MUST take a nap in the afternoon.

2. I cannot stomach seafood .. *ugh*.. strange indeedy.

3. My face requires mostuirisation 24/7 .. at night, before sleeping, I resemble those girls with white masks on those facial mask ads, but instead of a mask, it is actually layers and layers of night cream.

4. If like me, you suffer from morning sickness (in my case it is actually night sickness), and cannot hold anything down. Refrain from eating spaghetti. Regurgitating spaghetti is hell.. Just trust me on this.

5. During the early stages of pregnancy, known as the first tri-mester (the first 3 months), you do not "look" pregnant yet, so brace yourself with comments like, "eh, you look a little fat" or "nampak berisi....". grrr..

-i-can't-believe-it's-Friday!-L

What happened to the list?

I had a list of things to do while I am back in KL, let’s see how that went:

. eat jambu batu / jambu air with assam boi powder
-done, but it wasn’t as satisfying as I imagined it to be. Dang!

. go to suzi’s corner and order Maggie goreng (not too dry with cut cili api)
-yum yums, what can I say… perfecto!

. meet up with my friends and goss my brains out
-ooo… yessss, plenty of gossip. But sorry guys, my lips are sealed, you never know who’s reading the blog .. MUAHAHAHAHA!

. hang out at Chinoz with Subby Hubby and bitch ..
-not yet, cos Subby Hubby has been soo busy…

. catch up with outlaws gossip with my biras
-apparently MOLly is looking forward to staying with us when I give birth.. Nooo, I want my mummy!!!!

. go for a facial
-face is still dry after facial… behave oh hormones… pretty please???

. get my mum to cook anything and everything..*drooollllss*
-feeling guilty as hell to ask her cook anything for dinner as it eventually comes out just before I sleep..

. round up the usual suspects and eat cakes at Alexis
-the usual suspects are apparently tied up with some impossible mission as I have yet to do any cake eating at Alexis..

. eat roti canai near Entrepreneurina’s office with fish curry
-the roti canai people went back to India, so we went to Raju’s instead.

. stock up on low heel shoes, watch out Vincci!
-dissapointed as there was nothing.. and I mean nothing for me… WHY????

. have my hair restyled by Super Stylist
-I have this cronic tiredness after lunch.. so I never got around to see him.. Zzzzzz

. stock up on dvd’s
-none. Again, I blame it on the new cronic feeling I get

. have the nasi lemak at Kg. Bharu with everything on!
-hmmm, maybe I can do that tonight…. Subby Hubby, howabourit?

. go for a mani and pedi.. aahhh..
-my toes are sooooo pretty. *happy sigh*

. go for long lunches with anyone available
-everyone apparently has lots of work .. go figure.

. order the banana fritters with ice cream at Mdm Kwan’s
-if only I can make my way there early enough so that I don’t have to queue…

-hitting-the-sofa-in-10-9-8-7-Zzzzzzz-L

Possible reasons why ..

.. I’m soooo “gas”sy today

1. Ate too much roti canai with fish curry at Raju’s
2. That damn cheese sandwich I ate for tea.
3. Fell asleep with mouth open, and may have inhaled then swallowed too much air..

Most likely reason ..

I AM carrying Homer’s child….

-airing-the room-L

Do you cry at the movies?

As I’ve mentioned in one of my earlier entries, I am a pretty sensitive gal – the kind that cries at weddings, sad movies, you get the drift. But, last night, was the first time EVER that I cried after seeing a man’s naked torso…

(hushed tones – in the movie theatre)

L & Entrepreunerina: OMGosh .. He’s gorgeous!!!*gasp*

OMG.. OMG.. OMG..

Subby Hubby: Shhhhh….

Entrepreunerina: He’s so beautiful, I’m actually crying..

L: me too…

*giggles*

On hindsight, I’m pregnant and hormonal… what’s her excuse???? Shedding tears over a well sculpted chest and abs .. What the hell? It was a comedy for goodness sake!

-la-la-L-

Knock, knock..

Who’s there?
L
L who?

This is exactly how I felt when my parents were in Dubai. They were all gooey-nice to Homer, thanking him for his time, taking them around Dubai and stuff… *sigh* Helloooo??? I was there too, I planned the whole itinerary for their trip, where’s the pats on MY back???

Okay I won’t dwell on that, let’s move on to the fact that I’m baaacckkkkkkk! Back in my very dusty apartment. Now, the question is, anybody has a number for a very good house cleaner?

-ah-choo-L

My dad, my boss.

My Dad cracks me up.

I know deep inside he loves me, after all I'm his only "little girl" but we were brought up the ol' skool way. You know, the old saying, " Sayang anak tangan-tangan kan, sayang isteri tinggal-tinggal kan". Growing up I was taught to fear him, when he says no, it really means NO. When I was little, he used to take me out for local football matches and the parks, this is back when I was the obedient little L. But then I started making friends, and grow up into a monsterina, the disciplinarian stepped in.

I hated that gut wrenching feeling when I thought that the whole world was against me, especially my dad. Then, when I was in boarding school, I realized that in his own way, he loved me. In the 5 years I was there, he never missed a weekend, he'd come in on Saturday (to pick up laundry, send food.. heheh) and again on Sunday (to drop off laundry and more food..). Even when the car broke down, he'd take the cab, even borrowed his friend's car. That's love.

He did the same thing for all of us.

Years passed, and I believe his brand of tough love worked out for us. But one thing never changed, his no nonsense, business like style of communicado. I received an email from him last night, and it made me laugh out loud.


From: Papa
Re: Request for brunch

L**, Papa heard from Mami that she cancelled your proposal to have Brunch at the Famous Hotel (Yacht ).Kindly make an arrangement so that we can have the Brunch or whatsoever at the Hotel. I told her that this is an opportunity not to be missed.
Regards.


On top of being his little girl, I am also his PA ..

-soon-to-be-tour-guide-L

7 days and counting..

When I get back to KL, I want to –

. eat jambu batu / jambu air with assam boi powder

. go to suzi’s corner and order Maggie goreng ("basah" with lots of cut cili api)

. meet up with my friends and goss my brains out

. hang out at Chinoz with Subby Hubby and bitch ..

. catch up with outlaws gossip with my biras, heheheh

. catch the latest family goss from Sing Sing Gal

. go for a facial

. get my mum to cook anything and everything..*drooollllss*

. round up the usual suspects and eat cakes at Alexis

. eat roti canai near Entrepreneurina’s office

. stock up on low heel shoes, watch out Vincci!

. have my hair restyled by Super Stylist

. stock up on dvd’s

. have the nasi lemak at Kg. Bharu with everything on!

. go for mani and pedi.. aahhh..

. go for long lunches with anyone available

. order the banana fritters with ice cream at Mdm Kwan’s

soon.. L.. soon..

-wiping-drool-L